Page 86 of Shattered Dreams

I think what’s making me nervous is wondering how this is going to end. This interview, my relationship. My life back home…

Part of me doesn’t know why I’m here.

What’s the point?

Although, maybe I do know why I’m here, and I just… don’t want to admit it to anyone, let alone myself.

If the university offers me the job, am I going to consider taking it? I mean… I’m going to the interview, even though I thought of cancelling too many times to count.

I wanted Paul to come with me, but he couldn’t get the day off work, so I didn’t push it. It’s probably better I do this on my own, though, anyway. It wouldn’t be any fun if he were here because I have too much on my mind, and I’d probably be worried about him on top of everything else. What he thinks. Feels.

Because I don’t really know how he feels, but I can take a guess. He hasn’t said anything negative or tried to dissuade me, and I tell myself if he really had an issue with this, he’d say something. He’s never had an issue saying what he feels before, so I think it’s just me, just my thoughts and feelings that are making me feel this way.

Mostly because I keep asking myself why I’m here, when I already know the answer.

Part of me wants this,wants to figure out a way to go back to my old life, while somehow also keeping this new one. Is that possible? It has to be. Because anything is possible, so, there has to be a way to figure it out. There just has to be…

But that’s all the stuff I’ll deal with later. Right now, I need to close my eyes and rest, until we land. When we do, I take my bag from the overhead bin and stand to wait for them to let us off. I will be one of the first people off the plane, since I bought a first-class ticket and am right in the front.

I’ll only be here for a night, so I packed light. Once off the plane, I take an Uber to my hotel, check in, and get ready for this interview.

I shower. Change. Stare at myself in the mirror for far too long, trying to make sense of this. Why I’m here. What I’m going to do, how I’m going to play this. I can’t come up with a solid answer, so I don’t try to. Instead, I focus on smoothing out the collar of my shirt, and leave before I’m late for my interview.

I take another Uber to the university, which isn’t a long drive. Watching from the car, I spot kids walking to and from classes, and when I get out, I tip the driver and take my time heading into the main office. I check in for my scheduled time, and the kind woman behind the desk tells me to have a seat in the lobby and someone will be with me shortly.

Shelby shows up a few minutes later with a big smile on her face.

“I’ll admit, I thought you wouldn’t show.”

“Considered it,” I admit as I get up and follow her through the halls, until she leads us into a small conference room that she has to swipe her badge to get into.

Three men are already sitting at the table, all well-dressed in suits. Two of them smile when they see me, that familiar excitement in their eyes that most people get when they recognize me. Probably fans of the Cougars. I can’t deny that the last several years when I worked with them, how much more attention they got; going from the bottom to the top. Because of me, some might say, but honestly? They are the ones who did the work. All I did was support them, but I know that’s not what people want to hear.

The other man at the far end of the table regards me like he’s not impressed, and I’m not sure if that is better or worse, given the circumstances.

“Andre, this is our Deputy Director of Athletics, Steven Borro; our Senior Associate for Football Admissions, Ted McMather; and Vice President of University Advancement, Patrick Marques.”

“Nice to meet you all,” I say.

“You can have a seat right here.” She points to the head of the table. “We’re just waiting on one more person to show and then we can begin.”

She takes a seat beside Ted but keeps her attention on me.

“How was your flight?”

“Not bad. Got in earlier than expected.”

“That’s always nice,” she says.

“Can’t remember the last time I was on a plane,” Steven says. “Not a fan.”

The door opens and another stern-looking man walks in.

Shelby introduces him as the Athletics Representative, Landon Grove. He takes a seat across from her, and we begin.

They take turns asking me questions. The basic stuff at first.

Why do I want this job?