Page 88 of Shattered Dreams

To be fair, it’s partially my fault for keeping my mouth shut, but what was I supposed to do when Dre asked me if he should go to this interview? No?

How could I fucking do that, when I know better than anyone that New Haven would be perfect for him?

I can’t.

I can’t be the reason he goes against what I know he wants. I won’t be that reason.

But that doesn’t mean I want him to go, and I know that makes me selfish, and I hate it.

I hate that I want this for him, because I know it’s what he wants, even if he doesn’t say anything.

I hate that I want him to choose me, instead. But I can’t help it, either, and so of course, I told him to go.

I’ve always backed him up, ever since we were in college. We’ve always been playing for the same team, no matter what. But now…

Now I feel like somewhere along the way, one of us got drafted and then suddenly the team wasn’t ours anymore.

I blow the whistle louder than I should and holler for the kids to head downstairs and get changed. They disperse like a school of fish, the heavy footfalls of kids stampeding down the steps and doors slamming echoing in the gymnasium.

I sit on the stage, slip my phone out—which we’re not supposed to have on us during class with the kids—and check my messages.

Nothing.

No text, no missed phone call…

Just nothing.

That absence of communication stings like a bitch, because it tells me everything I need to know.

It tells me what he’s choosing. And it’s not me.

Though there’s a faint glimmer of hope in my chest that maybe I’m overthinking things, being irrational.

Maybe he’s just tired.

Maybe they are behind schedule.

Maybe he’s stuck in traffic or maybe he’s signing the paperwork right now and he’ll put his two weeks in tomorrow.

And leave me, and everything we’ve built behind like he did before.

When we graduated from college, I expected us all to scatter. Alex just signed to the Rioters, Austen just got married, Trey got scooped up by the nutrition company, Hudson stayed behind, and Andre had just interviewed for the Cougars, thinking it was a long shot. It was. Fresh out of college, no experience? Landing a big name like the California Cougars? Shit, those kinds of gigs don’t go to fresh blood like us, but…

I knew then he was capable, and if anyone deserved that kind of gig, that kind of spotlight, it was Andre.

And me?

My dreams of playing professionally or doing something worthwhile were shot to shit because I had a baby on the way, and so I had to put whatever goals or dreams I had aside to do the right thing.

Marry Amelia and take care of my family when I didn’t even know how to take care of myself.

For a while, I felt like that was okay. Things weren’t easy for Amelia and I. We struggled, but we loved Maddox, and I loved my family, even if it wasn’t perfect. I thought I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing.

Seeing Dre when he’d stop for visits became a highlight, because at least when he came by, I felt like myself. Not stressed or overwhelmed or insecure.

But eventually things changed, and those visits became more than highlights. They were glimmers of light in a darkness that threatened to consume me. Dre was my lighthouse, and I was his. I knew that. I knew we both longed for the next time the light would shine. So we could see the shore again, but those moments became farther and fewer because he fell in love with Victoria, and then she became his beacon. And I was happy for him, because I know how happy he was with her. How hard he fell. How much he loved her, and Rylee…

And then Andre’s dreams were shattered, his entire life splintered into a million shards when he came home to find his happy ever after was over.