Page 59 of The Cloud Catcher

‘Zara, Jay,’ she greeted them, taking a seat beside the bed with a poised yet empathetic posture. ‘We have devised a comprehensive treatment plan. It will be aggressive, but so is the cancer. We’re going to attack it with everything we’ve got.’ She paused for a moment, allowing this to sink in. ‘As I explained previously, the side effects will be difficult,’ she continued, her voice weighted. ‘Fatigue, nausea, changes in appetite, and hair loss are among the most common. But we have various support systems and therapies to help manage this as much as possible.’

As she and Jay listened intently, Zara felt the weight of each word, but she fastened herself to the glimmer of buoyant hope nestled deep within her core as she reached for her devoted husband’s hand. ‘Thank you for explaining it all again, Dr Thompson,’ she affirmed with crystal-clear determination, meeting the oncologist’s gaze head-on despite the turmoil swirling beneath her surface. ‘I’m ready to fight this horrible thing with all I have, and by some miracle, hopefully beat it.’

‘Good to hear, Zara, because your unwavering resolve is your strongest ally,’ Dr Thompson acknowledged with a warm smile. ‘As is your wonderful husband, too, I might add.’ Her gaze briefly met with Jay’s. ‘He’s a diamond in this rough, this one.’

‘Indeed, he is. I’m a very lucky woman, having him by my side,’ Zara replied, a determined glint in her eyes. ‘With him and my two beautiful daughters as my support team, I know I’ll stand strong.’

‘Yes, that’s the spirit, Zara.’ Dr Thompson looked from one to the other with a smile. ‘You two really are the perfect example of unconditional love.’ There was a slight waver in her usually strong voice. ‘Anyhow,’ she said after she cleared her throat, ‘I’ll leave you in the nurses’ capable hands and catch you both a bit later on.’

Zara smiled at her doctor as she exited, then looked to the charts and graphs that now plotted the course of her life for the next week of hospitalisation. Taking a deep breath as she sunk into her bed, the room suddenly felt smaller, but not suffocating, like a protective shell, sheltering life amid the vastness of diagnosis and treatment. As did Jay’s presence, his unwavering love lifting her weary spirit, reminding her that every day lived with him was a victory.

* * *

After five days of unchanging white walls and beeping machines, along with the debilitating nausea and weakness caused by the treatment, Zara refused to let her spirit fade. The scent of the hospital, a mix of disinfectant and lemon, lingered heavily in the air as she lay propped up in her bed while the monotonous beeping of the monitor beside her acted as an unwavering reminder of her current state. She looked to the vibrant bouquet of wildflowers on the windowsill, gifted by Suz and Mark, and a soft smile tugged at her cracked lips. The blossoms’ bold colours stood out against the stark white walls in a small rebellion against the clinical environment. Alongside her, as he always was, Jay slept on the reclining single chair, the blanket pulled up to his chin. Having been up with her for most of the night, he needed the rest. Bless him. Tracing her fingers over the soft fabric of her green blanket, memories of calmer times washed over her. She and her Jay had lived a full life, that was for sure.

There wasn’t a day she regretted.

Not a single one.

Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to drift into memories that took her to other places, other times. There were so many happy reminiscences, she found it impossible to pick a favourite. She was pleasantly lost in her remembered world when a creaking door broke through her thoughts. Blinking open sleep-heavy eyes, she was greeted by the cherubic faces of her two grandchildren, followed by their mother. Both bursting with sunshine-filled energy and innocent love, they bounded into the room clutching handmade cards decorated with glitter and crayon scribbles.

The eldest by two years to his three-year-old sister, Ava, sandy-haired Jack proudly held up his creation and exclaimed, ‘We made these for you, Nanna!’

Overwhelmed with emotion, Zara kissed Amy hello then whispered, ‘My sweet darlings, these cards are works of art.’ She carefully examined every uneven line, smiling at how each smudge spoke of the immense effort put in.

Now wide awake, Jay sat up and made space for Amy to cuddle in beside him — even at twenty-nine years old, she was still Daddy’s little girl. At Zara’s patted invitation, Jack and Ava eagerly climbed up and onto the bed, both cuddling into her, their giggles filling the room like rays of bright sunlight through a canopy of leaves.

‘So, you two, I’d love for you to tell me all about playgroup,’ Zara urged with a smile, momentarily forgetting her fatigue as they excitedly shared tales of playground adventures and bright-eyed new discoveries.

Entertained by such childlike innocence, Zara’s world shrank to this singular moment — her heart encapsulated in the bubble of their unconditional love.

And as more days passed by as if in slow motion, her loved ones became her continual confidantes. Jay would sit by her side, often holding her hand in silent support. And when night fell, he’d whisper stories of their youth — of moonlit beaches, foreign places, and shared dreams that felt both distant and achingly close. Amy and Lily took turns visiting, giving Jay time to himself to go for a wander, or pop back to the house. Zara loathed the fact that her dear husband, having lost his father Joseph to a devastating illness, was now facing the same heartbreaking reality with her. Try as she might to lessen his grief, the brunt of this harsh reality was out of her control. Her two darling daughters, along with Suz and Mark, and her precious mother-in-law, Nadine, ensured she was never alone. They all brought with them the comfort of familiarity, their conversations a blend of everyday life and cherished memories. And each visit replenished her fading strength, if only for a little while, reinforcing the familial bonds that had become her lifeline amid the uncertainty of her illness.

At the end of her first week, as dusk painted the sky in hues of lavender and rose outside the window, Lily tenderly brushed Zara’s thinning hair with gentle strokes, each movement easing the tension from her brow. It was in these quiet moments that the roles between mother and daughter blurred, and Zara felt the familiar embrace of motherhood returned tenfold, cocooning her within its nurturing grace.

‘Mum,’ Lily murmured, her voice filled with unspoken emotions. ‘You know how much I love you, right?’

‘No, you never tell me,’ Zara jested, then she sighed. ‘Yes, my sweet Lily bug, of course I do.’

‘To the moon and back, and beyond,’ Lily countered with a kiss to her cheek.

‘Always and forevermore,’ Zara replied, blinking back tears.

‘Yes.’ Unlike her stoic big sister, Lily allowed her tears to fall freely. ‘Always and forever.’

And so the dance continued in a delicate balance of giving and receiving. With each passing day, her family, blood and chosen, orchestrated a symphony of support that echoed through the stark corridors of the hospital. Every single one of them was a guiding light, in their own unique way, leading her back from the edges of despair. They’d formed a haven against the storm in an unbreakable circle where love flowed like an endless tide. And for Zara, ever the matriarch, the unwavering devotion of her family and dearest friends was where she truly found her greatest source of strength.

Early in the morning on her tenth day, before the sun had woken from its slumber, the soft pitter-patter of raindrops danced down the windowpane, their irregular paths a reflection of the tears that had often fallen from her eyes, and the eyes of those she loved. Unlike when she’d first arrived there, buoyed and full of hope, the stark, sterile hospital room now felt suffocating, its walls somehow closing in on her as her fears multiplied with each beat of her heart.

‘Are you okay, my love?’ As if sensing her unease, Jay reached out in the dimness, his weathered hand providing comfort in the midst of shared anguish.

‘Not really,’ she whispered, her voice trembling like a fragile thread being pulled taut. ‘I can’t bear the thought of them watching me go through this anymore, watching me suffer, watching me …’ Her words trailed off into the coldness of the room, but her meaning was clear.

Flicking the lamp on, Jay then tightened his grasp on her fingers, his piercing blue eyes reflecting the pain he, too, carried. ‘My love,’ he murmured softly but unwaveringly. ‘Our girls are stronger than you think, believe me.’ He took a slow, deep breath, then cleared his throat. ‘We all are because you’ve helped us believe in our own sense of courage. So please, don’t think like that, and whatever you do, don’t shut me, or them, out, because you think you might be protecting us.’

Overcome with emotion, Zara couldn’t respond. Finding herself wrapped up in Jay’s arms, she could only nod against his chest as he climbed in beside her, then gently pulled her closer to him. And he stayed there, with her, as she sobbed all her fear and heartbreak against him, and eventually they both fell asleep.

As two more days passed them by, she tried with all her might to remain upbeat, at least for the sake of her family and friends, if not for her own. But as night descended on yet another day without improvement, or a whisper of her being able to return home, and darkness enveloped her world again, her projected strength began to waver. The protective walls she’d built around her family seemed to crumble as she faced the harsh reality of her own mortality. For the very first time in her life, she could see their future without her in it, each of their lives filled with grief, followed by an aching hollowness that would never fully go away. And that pained her all the more. She didn’t want to be the reason her loved ones wept, mourned, lost the sparkle of life. And with that thought came a shiver that ran through her thin frame, and not from the chill in the air, but from the icy grip of fear.