Page 57 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

He smiled, and I wished I had managed to say it without looking towards the door through which Richard had departed.

For a little while we spoke of the costumes. Mr Byerly wished to know whether mine was to remain a secret, and I told him that Kitty might object if I described it before she had finished deciding how it ought to look.

“Then I shall not press you. I should be sorry to incur Miss Catherine’s displeasure.”

“She would certainly tell you if you did.”

“A useful quality. One cannot hope to make amends for an offence of which one knows nothing.”

This was true, and I found myself feeling sorry for resenting his intrusion upon my and Richard’s private conversation. He could not know how much I had been wishing it to continue.

There was a small pause. I was considering whether to ask if he had chosen a costume himself when he spoke again, rather more quietly.

“I hope you know how much pleasure these visits give me, Miss de Bourgh.”

“Your company has been very welcome at Pemberley.”

“I am glad to hear it. Though I should be sorry if you supposed that I came only to discuss drainage with your cousin.”

He was smiling, but there was no mistaking what he meant. I did not quite know what to say, so I looked down at my hands. “No. I did not suppose that,” I admitted.

“Then perhaps I may hope that you will continue to receive me kindly.”

He had asked for nothing which I could reasonably refuse, and yet I felt that an answer might promise more than I intended. I sat mute, panicking.

At that moment Kitty brought a drawing across from where she had just shown it to Mrs Matthew Thurston, saying that the lady said her brother must give his opinion on it at once. I seized upon it with a degree of interest which must have surprised her.

“Is that the sleeve you were altering yesterday?”

“It is the other one.”

“Oh. May I see?”

She gave it to me, and I moved nearer to Mr Byerly so that we might examine it together. Mr Byerly joined our discussion and behaved very agreeably. He did not attempt to return to what he had been saying.

I was grateful to him, though I could not quite recover my ease in his company after that.

Later, when our visitors had gone, I found Richard upon the terrace. He was sitting in the shade, with his leg comfortably extended and a book lying unopened beside him.

“Have you finished your business with Darcy?” I asked.

“For the present. Will you sit with me?”

I did so at once.

He asked whether the Byerlys had stayed long, and I told him that they had left only a little while before. Then he wished to know whether I was looking forward to going to London in the autumn.

“I think so. There will be a great deal to see.”

“And afterwards? Have you thought where you should like to live?”

I looked at him.

“Not precisely.”

“You have seen rather more of other people’s houses this summer. What would you choose for yourself?”

It was a question I had considered very often, though usually with a particular person beside me in the house I imagined.