Page 58 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

“Something much smaller than this,” I said.

“That would still leave you a considerable choice.”

“Much smaller than Netherfield, too. I liked Longbourn.”

“The house?” Richard asked.

“Yes. It seemed comfortable. One could generally find everybody, and there were not so many rooms which nobody appeared to use.”

Richard looked interested rather than amused, which encouraged me to continue.

“I should like a garden. Not a very great one, but enough for flowers and a few useful plants, and vegetables for the kitchen. And a room where I could keep my books without having to put them all away whenever somebody came to call.”

“A library?”

“A little one. With comfortable chairs, and a fireplace for warmth in the winter.” I looked about the room, imagining where I might put the chairs.

“That seems reasonable.”

“I should not require a great many other rooms.”

He was quiet for a moment. “What of Rosings, Annie?”

“I do not want it.” I had not intended to say it quite so plainly. Once I had, however, I found that I wished to say more.

“I know that I ought to be grateful for it. Everybody has always spoken as though possessing Rosings must be the greatest good fortune imaginable. But I cannot think of living there again with any pleasure.”

“After what happened, that is hardly surprising.”

“It is not only that.”

He turned a little towards me, raising his brows in inquiry.

“If Lady Catherine had never lived there, I do not think I should wish to be its mistress. Elizabeth has been teaching us a great deal about managing a household, and I am glad to learn it. I do not wish to marry and expect somebody else to attend to everything because I cannot be troubled. But there is so much to consider in a house like this. Lizzy likes knowing about it all. She remembers who wanted leave to visit a relation, and which room has a smoking chimney, and what was on the menu every night for the last month. I admire her very much, but I do not wish to spend my days in quite the same way.”

Richard did not tell me that I should grow accustomed to it, or that every woman must wish to have a great establishment if she could. “What would you wish to do with Rosings?” he asked instead.

“I should like to sell it.”

He looked thoughtful rather than startled at this revelation. I felt a little startled myself. It was the first time I had ever expressed the wish aloud.

“Have you spoken to Darcy?” he asked.

“I have spoken of wishing to be rid of it before. But I have not explained it properly, as I have to you. I think he would find it very difficult to understand. He loves Pemberley so much.”

“That does not prevent him from listening to you.”

“No. But I am not certain that he would hear quite what I meant.”

I looked out over the gardens. Everything was very beautiful, and I was exceedingly happy to be there. I could understand how foolish my objections might sound.

“I should like to know how to look after a house without the house requiring so much looking after,” I said.

Richard smiled. “I think I understand you, Annie.”

I was so glad that I could not immediately answer.

We sat together for a little while longer. He asked what I would grow in my garden, and I told him about Jane’s, and the cuttings I hoped she might one day give me.