Page 76 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

Nevertheless, it was unsettling to hear Darcy say that Mr Byerly had expressed a wish to offer me marriage.

I sat down rather quickly.

“He has not spoken to me of it,” I said.

“No. He wished to speak to me first, considering my guardianship of you.”

Darcy had advised Mr Byerly that, although I thought well of him and enjoyed his company, I was not ready to make a decision. I wished for time in London and the opportunity to extend my acquaintance before considering marriage.

Mr Byerly had been disappointed.

I had expected him to be, of course, but hearing it made me feel very sorry. He has been kind to me, and I did not like to think that I had given him reason to expect an answer which I could not yet make.

“Was he angry?” I asked.

“Not at all,” Darcy assured me. “He received what I said very properly. I believe he had hoped you were more certain of your feelings, but he understands that you are not.”

I looked down at my hands. There seemed to be nothing I could say which would improve matters.

Darcy was quiet for a moment, watching me, then told me that he had written to Mr Bingley.

“I have asked him to make Byerly welcome when he reaches London. I was sorry to disappoint him, and I should like him to have agreeable company there.”

“That was very kind of you,” I said.

“I like him, Anne. He has been a pleasant companion these last weeks, and I think Bingley will like him too.”

I was glad to hear it. Jane would certainly make him welcome, and Charles is so friendly that I cannot imagine anybody remaining a stranger in his company for very long.

It was comfortable to think that Mr Byerly would have something pleasant to look forward to, even if I had disappointed him.

Darcy did not ask whether I had changed my mind since yesterday. I was grateful for that as well. Feeling sorry for Mr Byerly has not made me any more certain that I wish to marry him.

I hope he will not think I have been careless of his feelings.

I have been so occupied in trying to understand my own that perhaps I have not considered his sufficiently.

19 September

Mr Byerly has gone to London.

He called to take leave before setting out, and I was quite nervous about seeing him. Yesterday he had been perfectly civil, but I had not then known what had passed between him and Darcy.

There was nothing reproachful in his manner today. He thanked Elizabeth for all her kindness and spoke warmly of the time he had spent with Darcy. When he came to me, he said that he hoped we should meet again soon in town.

“I hope so too,” I answered.

“Your cousin has told me that you wish for a little time, Miss de Bourgh. I hope you will not find my company unwelcome in the meanwhile.”

“Not at all,” I said quickly. “I have been very glad to get to know you.”

He looked pleased, though less certain of himself than he had at the masquerade. “I shall look forward to seeing you, then. Perhaps we may visit an art gallery together, in London?”

“I should like that,” I said, with complete honesty.

He did not ask for anything more, and I was grateful. I wished him a pleasant journey and asked him to remember me kindly to his sister when he wrote.

Christopher also left this morning, though for his own home rather than London. Mary was sorry to let him go, but there is now so little time before the wedding that her farewell was a very different affair from the one in August.