Page 114 of A Veil of Gods and Kings

“I didn’t—” But I stalled the words on my lips. There was no way to explain without pulling Valerian into it, and I wouldn’t do that.

Hyacinth’s hazel eyes turned to amber as the rays of the rising sun reached them and a sheen spread across their surface. “I trusted you, Epiphany. All this while, I had a bad feeling about what you were spending your time doing. But I knew you were struggling.” He clasped his hands together so tight his knuckles lost color. “So, I gave you space.” His nose wrinkled. “I gave you my trust. And you squander it, for what? To risk your life, walking out into the city unguarded?”

“Cyn, that’s…” But heat swept over my cheeks, and I bowed my head.

He stepped in closer to me, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Do you know how dangerous it is for unguarded young women to go out into the city alone? Epiphany”—his words trembled—“you could get hurt. Seriously hurt.”

The concern in his voice caused me to raise my gaze to meet his again. His expression reminded me of the one our father wore when Mother had fallen sick. It made the pit in my stomach grow. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“I love you, Pip. I’ve tried to be the best brother I can. I want to give you space and let you make your own choices but—”

“This was foolish of me, I know.” I’d been thinking that very thing myself. Risking Valerian’s well being, risking my own. It was stupid. Tears sprung into my eyes. “I just wanted a chance to taste freedom before my last scraps of it are ripped away.”

“Oh, Pip,” Hyacinth said and drew me into his arms. I clenched my fingers into the silk of his robes and released a garbled sob. But the guards stood only a short distance aside, so I drew back and wiped the moisture off my face with my palm. We were royalty. We had images to upkeep.

Hyacinth grazed his thumb down my cheek. “I understand the responsibility, the pressure… It's a lot. But promise me you won’t do this again.” He swept a loose curl behind my ear. “Please?”

I hesitated. He asked me to give up everything that brought me joy right now. To return to a life of nothing but lessons and dress fittings and preparing my presentation. His eyes welled with concern and affection. He only requested that because he worried about me. I bobbed my head. “I promise. I won’t.”

He sighed and pulled me into another hug. “I’m sorry everything is so hard right now.”

My lip quivered again, and I battled to keep my emotions at bay, but I squeezed him back. “It’s okay. I’m just fighting my future. It’s foolish.”

“I understand,” he said. “Come on, let’s head back in?”

I nodded but struggled to hold my expression neutral during the long walk back through the gates and into the palace and upstairs to my room. I’d keep my promise, but with every footstep, it felt like I walked myself towards a pyre. Each movement away from the wild, tangling forest seemed like a motion to jump onto an altar and allow myself to burn. But I was born for this. A sacrificial lamb doesn’t argue as it’s led to the temple. My heart raged against that thought, clawing through me. It didn’t know it was supposed to be a lamb. That had always been my problem, after all.

When we reached my bedroom, Hyacinth drew me into a final embrace. “You can always talk to me.”

“Of course,” I said. I stepped through my door and pulled it shut behind me. Then the tears I’d fought surged like a waterfall. I draped down against the wall and cried until my face hurt. Because it was one thing to be a sacrifice and another to be aware of it.

Sometime later, a knock sounded. I pressed my palms against my swollen cheeks and stood. “Yes.”

“It’s me,” Temi said, her voice dulled by the door.

I opened it and gestured for her to come in. She crossed her arms. “I heard what happened.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you all right?”

“I’m—” I raised my hands up but couldn’t force the false words to form on my tongue.

Temi chewed her thumbnail. “We’ll have to find a different way out. Maybe it’s easiest if you join me when I hunt in the morning and—”

“Temi, I can’t.”

She frowned, the burgundy curtains on the windows silhouetting her. “You can’t?”

“I promised Hyacinth I wouldn’t go out again.”

“Is that what you want?”

I clenched my fingers into the silk skirt of my dress and stomped my foot against the patterned rug. “It doesn’t matter what I want. This is my reality. Soon I’ll marry and live elsewhere, anyway. It’s time I think about that.”

Temi gasped. “You’re just giving up, like that?”

“We’ve both known this was temporary.”