Page 115 of A Veil of Gods and Kings

She frowned. “The summer isn’t over yet. Maybe we could speak with Hyacinth and tell him what we’re doing. Now that your father’s home, maybe he’ll acquiesce and—”

“No,” I said, my voice firming. “This is my life. It’s time for me to accept it and move on.” And convince the part of me screaming against that to do so as well.

Wrinkles swept over Temi’s brow. “Is your life only duty? Do you not have a right to some things you want also?”

“No,” I breathed the word through my teeth. “I don’t. That’s the point. My duty is my entire purpose.”

Temi leaned away from me. “You can’t be serious.”

The part of me that disagreed screamed and clawed like a trapped cat fighting its way out, but I clamped the lid down tight on it. “Of course I am. I’m a princess. I’ve enjoyed the adventures we’ve had but—”

“But you’re just going to give up on yourself,” she said, her voice hardening.

“That’s not fair.” I sucked in a breath. “You don’t realize what all rides on my choices.” And I couldn’t tell her, not with her being related to Apollo.

She stepped in closer to me, her feet dimpling the coral rug beneath them. “I know you have too much spirit to just allow it to be broken.”

I scrunched my fingers into my hair. “Temi, you don’t understand. You don’t know my life at all.”

Her eyes darkened. “Well, let me tell you a few things I do know about you then after a season of observation.”

A skitter slipped down my spine, an unease whispering through my body, but I swallowed. “What?”

The light from the windows illuminated her, glowing along her outline. “I know you hate the reality that you live, that you feel trapped.” She met my expression as if challenging me to deny it. I clenched my teeth. But I couldn’t. “I know you’re going to marry someone you don’t wish to and ensnare yourself in a life you’ll despise even more.” My stomach swirled because I wanted to tell her that wasn’t true either, but it was. She hesitated for a moment but then lifted her chin. “And I know you’re every bit as in love with Valerian as he is with you though you’re too afraid to be honest about it.”

I gasped, and the warmth snatched from the room like I’d sucked it away. “You have no right.”

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

I curled my hands into fists, discomfort transforming into a ball of anger that whirled its way through me. “It doesn't matter because it’s irrelevant. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Not everyone has a god for a brother and gets to live their life however the hell they please.”

“Oh yes, remind me how lucky I am to have a god for a sibling.”

A crestfallen expression took over her features, but my feelings were hurt, too. “Maybe you are lucky. Having Apollo as your patron allows you to make your own choices.”

Her face transformed, the muscles loosening, her mouth falling open. “So, Apollo is the reason I do everything I do? I owe everything in my life to him? That’s what you're saying?”

“What I’m saying is that you’re privileged that Apollo lets you do what you want.” She studied me for a moment, her eyebrows drawing together. It was like she saw me for the first time. Like she realized that beneath the veneer of excitement and bravado, I was just a trembling lamb, following the priest towards my bloody destiny, not even crying out in protest. That feeling wormed down into the heart of me, making me angry at myself but also at her for showing me a different life, for causing me to believe in it for a minute.

She gave a sharp nod, her voice breaking over the words. “I’m privileged? That’s rich coming from you, Epiphany.”

She turned and snapped through the door. It shuddered as it closed. And I dropped onto a sette, more tears falling, hot, furious ones that sliced over my skin.

41

Apollo

Hyacinth was gone by the time I woke to gold glimmering in through the windows, warming the woods and sparkling along all the elegant fabrics. This room suited him. Unlike me. I rolled over and pressed my face into his pillow, breathing his jasmine scent in.

I had to find him. Clarity had come with sleep, and there were things we needed to talk about. I rose, locating my discarded tunic and shorts and shrugging them both on. I slipped open his door, skimming the hallway to make sure no one would see me before sliding out. Regardless of how Hyacinth felt, I cared about his reputation.

The path I walked had become familiar to me over the previous months, the walls draped in embroidered tapestries, the lush carpeting plush under my feet. I turned a corner and approached Hyacinth’s office. I raised my fist to knock, but voices stalled me.

“You’ve done well, son,” the king said. “You’ve accomplished more than I could have ever imagined, in fact.”

“Thank you, Father,” Hyacinth replied. “A lot of that is because of Apollo.”

I took a step back. I could wait for him at the end of the hall.