Page 15 of Relapse

Would he die tonight without another word?

There was a medical term for this, I knew. Had to be. Something that labeled the paranoia and delusions I suffered through. I coexisted as two twisted versions of myself. My head told me to stop caring, that David wasn’t my problem anymore, and good riddance.

But my heart called out a different story. Somewhere in me, nine year old Noah wanted his dad back. There was a version of me who still loved him. A crying child bruised black and blue.

It was the ultimate heartbreak I was forced to live with. Each and every day.

My mind resurfaced to reality when Delane stopped in front of the car, glancing upwards at me. I wasn’t even sure if I spoke to her much on the way down from ICU. I met her gaze with one of guilt. I was the shittiest date.

Without releasing my hand, Delane stepped forward, wrapping me in an embrace. It only took seconds and I sank into her hold. She fit like a puzzle against my chest, her head coming just up to my chin. I rested my cheek against her, relishing how good the closeness felt. Part of me worried I would never feel it again.

“Thank you for protecting me,” she whispered suddenly.

I cleared my throat. “Today was a disaster. I wish I could make it up to you. I should’ve done more.”

She inclined her chin up just enough so that those emerald green eyes drew me in.

“You did more than enough. You were there for me when I needed you.”

My eyes squinted together instinctually, flinching. Truth was, I let her down. I was literally handcuffed to a coat rod for half our time together, enjoying the confines of another person’s mouth. And while it felt so good at the time, the aftermath of guilt was hitting me worse than when I purposefully planned to sleep with Silas as a trade for Delane’s safety.

My heart throbbed as she squeezed me tighter. I was an absolute piece of shit. I didn’t know how someone like Delane could see anything in me. I wasn’t good. I was greedy and destructive. I was damaged goods.

I didn’t know if I could ever change.

Her hand reached up, touching my cheek gently. My eyes sprang open, just in time to see her perfect smile beaming up to me.

“Thanks to you, next time we dance, I’ll actually know the steps.”

I blanked. “Next time?”

“You know,” she released me from the hug and placed her hands upon her hips cutely, the hospital wear crinkling under her grasp. “I technically owe you. The first time we danced, I stomped all over your toes. I can’t have that be your last memory of us.”

I gawked at her. So, she didn’t hate me…and she wanted to go out with me… a second time? After tonight’s clusterfuck?

To my bewilderment, she awkwardly checked over her shoulder at the waiting car. “I know you have to get back,” she said softly. “I’ll go…but maybe you could… text me? Let me know how everything is going with your family?”

I couldn’t seem to form the right words, and she noticed. Her beautiful green eyes searched my face, bright and expectant at first, then slowly clouded with uncertainty as my silence filled the space between us. She seemed anxious for an answer, looking at me as though she were bracing herself for whatever I might say. Or what I couldn’t say.

Maybe she thought that my hesitation was her fault, that she had said too much or done something wrong, but really, it was my awe of her that rendered me speechless. I had never been in a position where someone so pure and good wanted to be a part of my life.

To Delane, my lack of response must have felt like years dragging on, but to me, the moment was fleeting, like right before a dream ends, a sharp exhale and then eyes open back to reality.

Gradually, a soft redness crept down from her nose to her cheeks, embarrassment washing over her. Her eyes dropped away from mine and she turned abruptly toward the car.

I snatched her wrist. Say something, you idiot! I screamed internally.

“Delane, wait.”

She spun back towards me, chest rising frantically beneath the joke of clothes the staff had provided her.

Her eyes linked with mine, studying me. I couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking. What did she see in me?

My hand drifted down from her wrist to her palm as I stared into her eyes, wanting to let them consume me with their beauty. I realized that I could stand here all night gazing into them if she would let me do so.

Beneath the skin, my heart pulsated with a fierce intensity I couldn’t ignore. My eyes drifted lower, settling on her mouth, and I watched as her lips parted with each breath—full, pink and drawing me in completely.

Fuck, I wanted to kiss her. Badly.