Page 73 of Against The Boards

ROXANNE

“Can I have it, please!” I begged Fi, grilling her about the romance book she was working on.

Since Benny let it slip that Fi was writing a romance book, I had been hounding her about it. She normally wrote young adult sci-fi/fantasy, so this was her trying something new. I was all for it.

Dinah and Fi had been begging me to hang out, and I had been a shitty friend lately, but I couldn’t tell them why. I couldn’t tell them the reason I was always so tired and didn’t want to hang out was because I was too busy playing house with the man I used to think of as my sworn enemy. After weeks of skirting their invites, I finally caved and met them for brunch.

Fi laughed and took a sip of her water. “Not yet!”

“Ugh, you’re no fun. I love romance books.”

I smirked to myself, thinking about the enemies-to-lovers hockey romance I was reading the other night. Even if I eventually told these two about me and Benny, I would never admit to them that sometimes I read him the steamy parts. He usually laughed, and then we got so riled up that we had to create our own steamy scenes.

I’d come a long way from wanting to straight-up murder Michael Bennett. Last night, he told everyone he was busy so we could spend all night in bed together. I didn’t think any of my past partners gave themselves over to me like that. I worried I was getting too attached to him and that I wanted something real with him.

I kept thinking about what he said about asking for a trade to Boston, and I knew I had to steel my heart for the inevitable. I couldn’t get attached to someone who was going to leave and break my heart. I had to pretend these feelings bubbling up inside me weren’t real. I had to shove them down.

I had to tell my heart to stop getting big silly ideas whenever Benny was around. I couldn’t help that it flipped over inside my chest every time he looked at me. I thought Lisa was going to be my forever; I thought she was my soulmate, but I had been wrong about her. What if my feelings for Benny were just lust? I couldn’t fall in love with Benny! I spent months couch surfing and trying to figure out my next step after Lisa broke my heart. I wasn’t sure I could handle it again. Maybe I shouldn’t have slept with Benny; it would just get complicated when my brother got home.

“What other romance authors do you like?” Fi asked.

“Oh! I like Ruby Walker. I think she’s local.”

“She is!” Fi exclaimed. “We’ve kinda become friends.”

Dinah nodded. “Aren’t she and Jonesy a thing?”

Jonesy was Riley’s defensive partner. He was a hot bearded guy with sleeve tattoos, so I saw the appeal.

Fi bit her lip. “I think they’re just fuck buddies. Ruby doesn’t do relationships since her divorce.”

Dinah frowned. “Oh, too bad. They’re cute together.” Her gaze shifted to me like she was waiting for me to say something.

“What?” I asked and took another sip of my coffee.

“So, you and Benny aren’t fighting anymore…” Dinah said and let her unspoken question hang in the air.

“Nope. It’s been kind of peaceful,” I told her coyly with a shrug.

It was getting harder to not admit my feelings about him to my friends. It was hard not to smile at him when he looked at me, too. I wondered if they noticed all the heated looks he threw my way when he thought no one was looking. If I knew anything about the two authors in front of me, they noticed. Which was why they were grilling me.

Dinah crossed her arms. “Uh-huh. Hey, do you know if Benny has a new girlfriend?”

“Um…no idea. Why?”

She smirked at me. “You know, Noah swore he heard someone having very loud sex in Benny’s condo this morning.”

“How loud, Dinah?” Fi asked, and they both smirked.

“So loud I could hear them screaming their orgasms while Noah and I were making coffee.”

I froze.

Shit.

I was very loud this morning. Like so loud, I was practically screaming his name while I rode him and he fingered my clit. Fuck, did he moan my name? I couldn’t remember.

“Well, no girlfriend. Not that I’m aware of,” I lied.