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Guy barely glances at me while shaking out his napkin. “Not sure.”

“Why couldn’t he print them out himself?”

“I didn’t stick around to ask him. I had a family dinner to get to.”

“Then why are you here?”

The snub goes right over his mullet as dude just stares at me.

Ugly and dumb. Quite the catch, Sis.

“I work with a few of those,” Sera says. “Crotchety old men refusing to adapt with the times.”

“Not me,” my dad chimes in proudly.

“Not you,” his wife says, nuzzling his ear all over again.

There’s a good chance the first course is gonna reappear on this table any minute.

“I see married life is treating you well, Sera.”

“Very well, Guy. Thank you for noticing.”

“It’s kinda hard not to when you’re shoving it in our faces,” I murmur.

“Son. That’s quite enough.”

With a chuckle, I grab my glass to get a drink. I know this motherfucker isn’t talking to me like that.

“What’s the best thing about marriage so far?” Guy asks, his nose turning browner by the second.

Over my glass, I give Kota a pointed look, then one at Guy. See? Pussy. A shit-stained one at that.

She only rolls her eyes.

“Oh, the best? I’d have to say, the best is…” She smiles at my dad. “Well… Having someone…”

“To lean on?” Guy guesses.

“Actually, I was going to say under my desk.”

I choke on my water and have to beat my chest as I set the glass back down. What the fuck?

“Oh my God.” Putting her head in her hands, Kota groans.

Meanwhile, her boyfriend’s cackling his ass off. After all, it’s not his parents discussing oral.

“I think that’s the problem with most marriages. Instead of searching for an equal, women should be waiting for someone that worships them.”

I eye my dad’s scotch for all of two seconds before reaching over and draining it myself. I’m way too sober for this conversation. This woman’s supposed to be my stepmom.

“Worship?” Suddenly, Guy doesn’t sound so entertained.

“It makes sense, doesn’t it? Females are the only ones with something on their bodies solely for pleasure.”

Guy makes a face like he’s trying to solve a math problem.

I hate to admit it, but she’s got me intrigued with that one, too.