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“Fall!” I hear from my right.

I regard Nightmare Khaos one last time. Even like this, he’s still so beautiful. He’s still so mine. I love him. So much.

“Fight for me,” I whisper before leaning back and—

Even though it’s distorted from all the tears, I’m able to make out my bedroom ceiling.

Gripping my middle, I roll to my side and continue where I left off before I passed out, weeping so hard my stomach cramps.

I try to find the nightlight but it’s too blurry to make out more than its yellow haze. What does it matter anyway? Nightmare, real life, they’re one and the same now.

The house groans and whines and shakes as if it has anything to complain about, as if it has been abandoned.

“I’m here!” I scream at it, setting off another round of sobs from both me and the house. “I’m always here.” Drool escapes from the corner of my mouth, making me cry even harder. Khaos should be suffering like this, not me. I didn’t do anything wrong.

Then why does everything feel wrong? Khaos robbing Guy, Guy tattling, me siding with Guy, Khaos walking away without a fight, all of it feels wrong. All of it is wrong.

Why didn’t Khaos just tell me what the money was for? It couldn’t have been anything materialistic. He isn’t like that. The most expensive thing he owns is his truck and he’d already bought that. Unless it was a loan and he used the three thousand dollars to pay that off?

He could’ve told me that. He could’ve told me anything. But he didn’t. He swallowed the truth, as well as our chance of a future together. One gulp, gone. Done. We’re nothing now, not even…roommates.

I glance at the opening between our rooms. He didn’t close it up like he was supposed to. Is that what his surprise was? I would’ve liked it. I would’ve pretended not to, but secretly, I would’ve loved it.

Now it just serves as a constant reminder he’s not here and he never will be again. Because I told him to stay away.

And he listened. Khaos is a great listener, even to music.

Music. His playlists.

Grabbing my phone, I open the music app and find Khaos’s profile.

“Cloud” is still there but it’s below a bunch of new playlists.

“My top girl” is at the top, followed by “Please forgive me,” then “I’ve got forever.”

Each playlist has a single song under it, so I click on the first one and make my way down.

“Would’ve been you” by sombr.

“SORRY” by NF and James Arthur.

“Just Pretend” by Bad Omens.

Tears flow freely, soaking my pillow.

If these are all for me, does that mean he’s checking mine, too?

I’m not sure what to title a playlist dedicated to him right now. Some top contenders are “I don’t believe you, liar” or “Go to hell” or “How fucking could you?”

As for songs, there are so many I could add, so many I should add, including “you broke me first” by Tate McRae. He did. I dared him to and he fucking did it. He broke me so fully, I’m not sure I’ll ever recover.

He wants me to meet him at the bottom? I’m already there. Where the hell is he?

I’m just creating a new playlist titled “Anchor” when I hear a long, drawn-out creak. Looking up, I watch, frozen, as my door slowly opens.

Quickly, I seek out the nightlight, making sure I’m actually awake.

I am. This is real and someone is here.