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The Long Island Sound being right outside doesn’t help either. I’m sure most people would find it peaceful. But I don’t. Hearing the waves crash against the promontory we’re situated on makes my chest tight. So tight I can barely freaking breathe some days.

This house has frightened me since I was a child. I think that’s normal. Probably. Kids are scared of a lot of things, especially big, loud things. But it became worse after my dad left. That’s when the deafening silence descended, as did my sleep paralysis.

Thirty-two.

Every night, I reluctantly fall asleep, not knowing who will haunt my dreams.

That’s not true. I know who will show up, I just don’t know when she will.

Thirty-three.

God. I can’t believe Guy left. Why did he? Because I wouldn’t put on an X-rated show for Khaos, my stepbrother?

Didn’t I already do that?

Thirty—

I falter on my landing and have to press one foot back to catch myself.

“Shit!”

As air pours in and out of me, I feel the prickle of tears building behind my eyes. I press my fists to my lids to keep them in, to keep it all in.

I’m trying. I’m trying. I’m always fucking trying!

“Fucking damn it!” My voice cracks, just like my heart. My boyfriend left me. My dad left me. My mom repeatedly leaves me.

I haven’t seen Khaos since the movie ended, so it’s safe to assume he left, too.

I’m not worth staying for. It doesn’t matter what I do, how well I do it, how often I do it, I’m never fucking good enough.

“Ugh!” I drop my hands by my sides and confront a person I don’t want to be—me. Grow up, Kota! Grow. Up. There’s no one else to be. Everyone else is taken. This is who you are, who you’ll ever be. Fucking… “Deal with it!” I scream the last word, the echo of my own voice the only response I receive. The only response I ever receive in this god-awful house.

It’s okay. I’m fine.

After a shakeout, I begin again.

I’m on three, moving into four when Hurricane Khaos blows into the gym, scaring the absolute shit out of me. He didn’t leave?

He comes right up to me, stopping me from springing into the air.

“Do you want kicked in the face?” I snarl at the man with no concept of personal space.

“Only recently,” he replies with just as much venom, maybe more.

“Well…” I don’t know why he’s so angry. He’s the one interrupting me. “If you don’t move, you’re gonna get your wish.”

Khaos doesn’t budge an inch. If anything, he comes closer, ensuring I can’t even set up for another herkie.

“Yes?” I flop my arms at my sides, hoping if I just indulge him in whatever this is, he’ll leave quicker.

“Teach me how to swim.”

Every time I mention Khaos’s inability to swim, he gets so defensive, downright nasty. Now, he’s openly admitting it, right this second, as if it couldn’t wait.

Of course I’ll help him. He could be a bit nicer about it though.

“That’s not exactly asking—”