Page 58 of Golden Ruin

“No problem,” he calls out, and when I glance back toward his door, he doesn’t shut it behind me. He’s left it open just like before I interrupted.

I don’t feel safe again until I’m back in Jax’s room. I latch the door right away, leaning against it because my thoughts are finally catching up with my body.

I see the tattoo again, and I’m fighting my thoughts, convincing myself it means absolutely nothing that he’s carried that reminder of me with him every day despite our relationship ending.

But it’s not so easy to dismiss.

My phone buzzes across the room, beside my pillow where I left it. Only now do I push away from the door, but when I sit down and check the text, I smile harder than I mean to.

Sterling: I hope you’re not traumatized.

Lexi: No, but just know your name will be coming up in my next therapy session.

Three dots bounce beside his name, and I’m disturbingly giddy as I wait for his response.

Sterling: That’s fair.

Lexi: Entirely lol. Night.

Sterling: Night, Rodriguez.

My gaze lingers on his last message, and I can’t remember the last time he called me that. It started as something he’d say out of annoyance back when we were enemies, and it didn’t even seem like friendship was in the cards. Then, when we fell for each other, it became a term of endearment, something that made me feel undeniably his. So, having him say it again, out of the blue, I’m rattled.

Today felt like a never-ending test of my strength, my ability to keep things in perspective, and if I’m being completely honest… I’m almost certain I failed.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Sterling

I fucked up.

Completely.

Starting with leaving my bedroom door wide-the-fuck-open after I showered. Then, by not freaking out enough when I realized Lexi was in my room. I was too calm, too relaxed being naked in front of her.

God only knows how she read that.

Or worse… the tattoo.

“Shit.”

I’ve been beating myself up since she left, and the frustration continues now that I’m in bed, staring at the ceiling wondering what the fuck just happened. I keep seeing the look on her face when our eyes locked, when she took in what was happening. Then, I’m remembering how her pulse throbbed at the hollow of her throat when I touched her. She watched me while I worked on her arm and, for a moment, I swear she looked at me like she used to.

Like before.

Back when things weren’t so complicated and broken between us.

My brothers called me out, suggesting I still have feelings for her. It’s been stuck in my head ever since. Now, I’m wrestling with the possibility that… they’re right. But just as I’m starting to accept it, this happens, and if I’m not crazy, I think she feels something, too?

But that’s fucked up for too many reasons to name. Starting with the fact that I know I should stay away. She’s trying to move on, trying to build a life without me, which she completely deserves.

So, why does the thought of it fuck with my head so much?

Her eyes flash in my thoughts as I stare at the wall, doing my absolute best to think about anything but her, but something familiar stirs in the middle of my chest. My entire body tenses after that, and I hate how just the thought of her has parts of my body too aware. Parts of me that have no business being affected by her.

Not anymore.

Even more frustrated than before, I flip onto my back. When I glance down my torso through the darkness, my dick’s standing at full attention, and frustration immediately turns into something darker.