Page 22
“Um, yeah? I walked Bailey home and just got back,” Nick said. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Did you and Bailey have sex?” Annie asked bluntly. Nick choked on his saliva and dissolved into a coughing fit.
“What?” Nick sputtered.
“Tell me!” Annie hissed.
“Of course not,” Nick said.
“Did you make out?” Annie asked.
“Annie, why are you asking me this?” Nick asked.
“Answer the question!” Annie yelled.
“No, we didn’t kiss,” Nick told her. “Happy?”
“No!” Annie yelled back, pacing down the front hallway before turning to Nick abruptly. “Chris didn’t kiss me; he didn’t even try … he said a bunch of nice stuff, but then he left! Was he kidding? Is this some sort of cruel joke?”
“Well, okay, if you follow the recipe for made-for-TV Christmas movies—” Nick offered.
“The recipe?” Annie interjected immediately.
“Yeah, they all fit a similar format,” Nick explained.
“Which you mysteriously somehow know by heart,” Annie said, but urged him to continue nonetheless.
“Two romantic interests have to first have an ‘almost kiss’ before a real kiss, and that usually only happens at the end of the movie anyway,” Nick told her.
“Chris wouldn’t even come in for a hug,” Annie complained. “He, like, delicately squeezed my fingers after he walked me home. It was so formal and awkward,” Annie shut her eyes, squirming at the memory. “Okay, wait, let’s go back to the recipe stuff.”
“Which part?” Nick asked.
“What if we tried to speed up some of those movie milestones you mentioned? Could we expedite our stories and move things along?” Annie spat out, her thoughts spinning wildly. “Maybe that’s the key to getting out of here—we hurry up and just check off every stupid step so we can get out of here.”
“I’m not sure; like I said, I don’t know how any of this works—” Nick said.
“Go over the general outline. Tell me the whole formula,” Annie demanded. Nick let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. Annie couldn’t help but notice it was looking thick and lustrous.
“Um, well, we have an introduction. Usually, it’s a female lead, living her life when, bam, some kind of new opportunity comes up—like, maybe, she has to rush home to her small town from the big city to save the family business right before Christmas. Then we meet the romantic interest. Often they’re reintroduced to someone from their past and suddenly, they’re seen in a flattering holiday light,” Nick said, smiling at his interpretation.
“Keep going, what comes next?”
“Some sort of complication or something to raise the stakes—”
“Like the play or the snowstorm?” Annie asked, and Nick nodded in thought.
“Yes, and usually the lead is, um, a bit begrudging to agree to their involvement,” Nick added, peevishly glancing her way.
“Perfect, I’m nailing that,” Annie said proudly, and Nick let out a huff of laughter.
“Next, we get introduced to some supporting characters who are there to back the budding relationship blooming between the two romantic leads.”
“When do things get spicy?”
“Annie, this is a made-for-TV Christmas movie. Things go from bland to mild, at best. Let’s keep our expectations in line. These movies are supposed to let people escape and distract themselves from the stress of everything else in their world. They’re like the movie equivalent of putting on cozy socks or getting a nice warm hug,” Nick continued.
“A hug? Boring! These are supposed to be romantic, right?” Annie asked.
