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“That nigga that you tried to flex on me with will be dead in a couple of days. When he get his, we can go back to how things were. Only this time, I’m gone treat you better… alright?” I cleared my throat but choked and coughed a little.

“I don’t want anyone getting hurt, Jarei.” Visions of Matthew kept popping into my head. All he ever wanted was the best for me. Matthew wanted me safe and happy, not even just me but also Heaven, which meant a lot to me. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to him.

“You wanted something to happen to me though, right? The day you bitches came to the crib with all that smoke. Got me shot and some mo shit! You telling me you love this nigga?” Love, that was the thing. I didn’t know if it was too soon to say I had fallen in love. I knew I had something for Matthew, we just connected on a whole other level that I never felt with anyone before. Not even my parents.

Matthew didn’t judge me or make me feel lower when I already was at my lowest. He looked for ways to make me feel good about myself. Down to the way he looked at me, and how he made me feel.

“I took up for you, Jarei. When he wanted to kill you, I stood up for you.” Tears were blinding my vision as he picked up his speed on the freeway. I looked at his hands and saw how tight he was gripping the steering wheel. My emotions were about to spill out in the opening and it was hard for me to fight it. Lord knows where this man was taking me and Heaven.

“That’s what you supposed to do! The fuck you even talking bout? I’m your baby daddy, Heaven’s only dad. Ain’t no replacing me. What would you even tell Heaven when she gets older? You let some nigga kill her dad? You shouldn’t even be in that nigga’s face or have any feelings for him Praylah. That’s my fucking homie!” he slammed the top of his hand on the steering wheel and the car drifted into the next lane, making the car next to us honk.

I could see him trying to calm himself as I nibbled on my bottom lip trying to bite my tongue. It was becoming hard to hold back how I was feeling so I said what I said anyway.

“What would you have told Heaven, Jarei?” I looked at him and didn’t feel fazed by him taking his eyes off the road every couple of seconds to stare hard at me.

“About what?” his jaws clenched tight.

“About you trying to kill me? Drown me in all that hot ass water? You deserved everything that happened to you and I’m happy that I finally stood up to you-“

“What?” He looked over again and this time I didn’t blink or swallow down hard in fear. The fear had left and was now replaced with lots of anger.

“You heard me loud and clear. I used to be so far in love with you, that was all my fault though. Beyond my mental issues, I strived my hardest to make you fucking happy and all you did was… cheat, hurt me and break me down. You had a baby on me and beat me because I didn’t want to watch or take care of what you created outside of me! You have made me hate you Jarei! I don’t want to be near you and I damn sure don’t want to ever be with you again. Rather its with Matthew or the next nigga! It will never be with-“ Whap! My head knocked into the window causing Heaven to scream and cry out for me.

“Bitch! You getting bold as fuck!” He hit me again with a closed fist, making me see stars and different neon bright colors.

“Mama! Mama!” Heaven’s tiny voice knocked me back into reality. The car swerved a little more and I hoped that somebody on this freeway would think that Jarei was a drunk driver and alert the police. He had heavy tinted windows, so no one could see the abuse that was taking place.

“Shut up Heaven!” He yelled over his shoulder as she wailed even louder. Something fierce inside of me broke free and I could no longer subside all my hatred and anger that I held inside of me towards Jarei. I balled my fist up and started swinging on him as hard as I could.

“What the fuck, bitch you better-“ He was cut off short by my fist knocking him right in the mouth. “Stop Praylah! You gone kill us!” he struggled with keeping his eyes on the road. I gained control over myself but it didn’t stop me from wanting to lay him out. The only thing that had me refraining from putting my hands back on Jarei was Heaven crying in her car seat.

I could taste blood from the hit he delivered to me, sucking that up and spitting it out in front of me. I looked back at Heaven and smiled. I felt like I had snapped and I couldn’t even pretend like shit was okay. So, I started talking to Heaven as if she could understand me.

“It’s okay baby. Mommy and daddy just don’t like or love each other anymore. Daddy is just jealous that mommy has found somebody that actually treats me better. I don’t know-“

“Shut the fuck up! Praylah!” Jarei snapped but I continued.

“I don’t know where he is taking us, but I can promise you that we will be okay… Mommy will no longer be a punk bitch. I will fight to protect you and me till the end.” I reached back and rubbed her tiny hand; she smiled back at me as I wiped the tears from her chubby face.

I sat back in my seat and looked out the window.

“The only thing that’s keeping me, is that gun and the threat you put on my parents. You can hold us hostage and take us wherever Jarei. All that putting your hands on me and thinking I will no longer fight back is over. You must forget, I enjoy pain to keep me feeling alive when I’m feeling down and out. I won’t get tired of fighting you ever.” I gritted. I was ready and willing to go to war behind my sanity. I was tired of Jarei thinking that I was just some weak-ass bitch. One thing that stuck with me was something that Matthew had said to me.

“So, you telling me that you are willing to lay down with a nigga that beats you and not get you the help that you need? You want your daughter to grow up thinking that its cool for her nigga to beat her too?”

My heart ached; I was happy Heaven was at the age of not being able to remember all of this. I didn’t want her to think that any of this was cool. I was going to start fighting back from here on out. There would be no more me laying down and accepting anything less than my respect. The rest of the ride was done in total silence. I reflected on what happened a couple hours before all this mess.

Its crazy how you could be happy one moment and then the next things take a big turn for the worse.

I partied hard, dancing and drinking but not too much liquor. I never liked the feeling of being insanely drunk. I just felt good and I left all my worries behind when I entered the club.

Era and I danced together, and although no words were said we could definitely feel the good vibes. We were celebrating new beginnings. I looked over at Ju’well and she had her hands on her knees as she made her ass clap on Honor. I liked Honor, she was pretty and she always said something to make us all laugh. Ju’well had this happy glow about herself and I loved it for her.

Roberto came to the dance floor with four of his security guards following close behind. He had to be someone of importance since his security guard's eyes were roaming everywhere. Roberto’s energy was everything he had us all laughing the entire night. His personality and energy made everyone feel good. One of his security guards had a big bottle of Remy with Roberto’s cup in hand. Roberto was dressed in some hot pink leggings that had fur on the sides running up to his hips. He had a hot pink body suit shirt that hugged his upper body, leaving his arms out. On his feet were Rick Owen boots. His hair was no longer wild and curly, it was pressed bone straight.

Roberto was handsome and pretty at the same damn time. He had a baby face with no facial hairs, from what I observed men and women gravitated towards him. Soon as he got on the dance floor two model looking chicks got in front and behind him and started dancing. I think Roberto was Bi sexual with the way he lustfully gazed and groped on the women dancing all over him.

I had the urge to use the restroom and that’s when everything took a turn. In the middle of me squatting over the toilet, I heard shots ring out. My heart slammed in my chest and fear hit me fast because I didn’t know if my friends had gotten hit. I peed all over my legs and didn’t care as I got down onto the dirty restroom floor and said a prayer.