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Shoulders slumped; I pushed my hands under the water then ran them across my face. Devin had me feeling dead inside and hating myself for giving him a chance to overlook all the red flags. Cursing myself because I knew my pressed hair was now waving up since I hadn’t wrapped it, my phone rung and I saw that it was Devin calling. This was the norm for him, he’d call and text me all day like he couldn’t live without me.

Instead of answering I pressed decline and sent him the pictures that I snapped of him back at the studio. I cried even harder staring at the pictures as being proof again for how much he really didn’t love me. Silly fucking me, head over hills for a nigga that barely even brought me around his crew. At first, I thought it was because of my weight, when I called him out about that he denied it fast. Saying he wanted to protect me, he even used manipulative words by using my own words against me.

Claiming that he supported me and didn’t want people in the industry to think that I slept my way to the top by dating him, I didn’t know what was real or fake at this point with him. Catching the man you love fucking somebody else was one of the most sickest things to experience. Especially when you deem a man as yours.

When you accept a nigga for who they are. Like when his dick is average and about five inches long, he can’t even go round for round or last for that matter in the bedroom. You don’t give a fuck because you end up liking and loving him for who he is beside the dick. You take all of a nigga imperfections and level with them because he’s your man and you become appreciative for who you ended up with.

So, at times like this when a nigga that ain’t even working with a good package deal fucks you over it makes you sick to the stomach. I was mad at myself for even feeling this hurt and distraught about the shit but I couldn’t help the feelings I had for Devin. We were both comfortable with each other. No matter how wrong he was, I wouldn’t dare embarrass myself by going on a rant via social media exposing who he truly was.

I never understood why men and women did that. Men would get on Facebook or Instagram and bash their exes saying how they pussy smelled or how a female wasn’t clean or didn’t take care of their kids like that type of shit wasn’t a reflection of who they were as a man. Why would you date a funky dirty broad that didn’t take care of their kids?

Same for women that dissed their men for having small dicks and dirty drawers. Like come on sis, you loved that small ass dick and his dirty ass drawers. I got out the tub and ignored my phone that was now ringing like fucking crazy and went to step inside of the shower to scrub my body down.

I got out the shower, dried off then stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. My eyes were bloodshot red and puffy. I vowed to myself to never go through another heartbreak like this again and have more discernment when it came time to picking niggas and falling for them. Lathering my body down with baby oil and Baby Magic, I put on some boy shorts and a sports bra then sprayed myself Champagne Toast all over my body.

I doubled back to my living room to pick up my clothes that I lazily threw down and stopped right in the hallway seeing Devin stupid ass sitting on the couch. Hating that I even gave him a key I walked fully into the living room and took a seat right across from him. We both had keys to each other’s houses but we never used them.

Devin hardly came to my apartment always claiming it was too cramped and small for him. So, I always did the honors and went to his house. Not caring with how crazy I probably looked right now, I stared right at him. I couldn’t even believe he had the balls to show up unannounced to plead any kind of case when all the proof was right on those pictures that I took.

I kept telling myself to remain cool, I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction even though right now I wanted to run across my living room and fuck him up. Devin was tall and medium built; he was very attractive. Those green eyes and the waves dipping in his head made women stop and stare at him no matter where we were.

He had the gift of gab and was smooth as hell, he thought about everything he said before he said it. His nonchalant demeanor could drive any sane woman crazy.

“Let’s not over react, Era.” His deep voice bounced off my apartment walls. I chuckled lowly giving him a disgusted look. I didn’t know what to say without coming off nasty so I remained silent. I let him have the floor because when he was done, I was making things perfectly clear that we were over.

“I fucked up, a lot of real niggas fuck up especially when you paid, handsome, and well established. Bitches throw themselves at me a lot, you know that, you saw proof of that when I take you out. Today out of all the years that we have been dating, I slipped up and caved in.” He licked his pink lips like he was lubricating all the bullshit that spilled from his lips.

“We can and will move forward from this baby, you know I love you so much, Era. Damn baby, please don’t sit there quietly, say something to me. I’m hurting badly because I hurt you. I’ll do anything to fix it, just tell me what that something is.” This time my emotions got the best of me, I couldn’t stop the tears falling from my eyes.

Why couldn’t Devin be the man for me, I really did love him. All the things I confided to him about. Our connection in the beginning was out of this world making me feel like we were truly meant for each other. He hurt me to my core and I wish what happened today had never happened. He stood from the couch, adjusting his basketball shorts. Pulling up his fresh white tee, he tossed it on the sofa and walked towards me smelling like men’s soap and cologne.

He had the nerves to shower before coming here and was even bolder to think that I was about to let him fuck me. I cried a little harder for how much of a dumb bitch he thought I was. Squatting down between my legs, he brought both of my hands inside of his and softly kissed the backs of both of them.

“I truly love you and can’t imagine myself without me… I mean.” Clearing his throat and chuckling nervously he corrected his jumbled words. “I can’t picture life without you, Era.” He squeezed my hand tighter.

“Then why did you fuck us up, Devin? Why did you fuck her?” There was no excuse that he could possibly say to me right now that would get me to forgive him. I had already conditioned my brain to get over him, which was why my heart felt heavy as hell and I couldn’t stop the tears. Soon as I got him out of my apartment, I planned on changing my locks the next day and getting a new phone number.

“I fucked up baby. She kept coming on to me, then she just pulled my dick out, start sucking and I couldn’t back down. I’m a man Era, and sometimes us men have weaker moments then y’all women.” I bit into my bottom lip so hard that I tasted blood. I refrained from slapping the shit out of him.

“Just tell me what I got to do, so we can get past this. I know your trust is going to be fucked up for a while with me, but I am willing to rebuild that for us and prove to you that I can be faithful. I will even move in here with you. So, Era… tell me what it is I gots to do.”

“You can just get the fuck out. I don’t ever want to see or hear from you again, Devin. It’s over between you and I. I’ll get back with my ex before I think about giving you another chance.” I stood up abruptly almost causing him to lose his balance. I walked over to my pile of dirty clothes by the door and picked them up. With my free hand, I unlocked and cracked the door open for him.

“Please leave my key on the coffee table and excuse yourself.” He stood up and eyed me disappointedly.

“I can’t do that baby, we built too much for me to let you throw away what we have.” I shook my head no as he approached me. He walked back towards the couch and went into his Gucci backpack that he loved carrying around like it was his purse. He pulled out my paperwork that looked like a thick packet and tossed it onto the glass coffee table.

“That’s a deal baby, a deal for one million dollars. You can’t get this deal if you just leave me. The CEO of Capital Records wants to fuck with you. I told you I was gon’ get you far, I just needed time.” I licked my lips and dropped my clothes and walked all the way back into the living room space.

“So why now, Devin? Why when you do me wrong and cheat on me, you pull out some fucking papers expecting me to jump for joy. Like I’m your fucking slave! I’ve watched you skip me multiple times and get plenty of people deals. You never wanted me to fucking shine, now that I’m done with you, your producing papers that I have been waiting on from you for years? Fuck that and fuck you! Ain’t no telling how long you have had those papers. Please get out of my home before I call the police on you.” I spat with my heart beating fast inside my chest.

“I’ll blackball you, Era. You will never step a foot in the industry fucking with me. Don’t make this shit hard.” He spoke in a chill tone. I had to step back and laugh a little. The real him was being exposed.

“Well, I guess you better get ya black book out and start blackballing me.” I walked away and picked my clothes back up. Making my way into my bedroom, I slammed and locked the door. Placing my clothes in the dirty clothes hamper, I sat at the edge of my bed holding my breath. I was waiting for Devin to let himself out of my house so I can let my raw emotions flow freely.

I almost caught myself growing weak, a part of me wanted to work it out just for the sake of that million-dollar contract. My momma always told me that I had a true gift and to never sell myself short. This was the proof of that. Devin had lots of connections in the industry, and I believed him to the fullest when he said that he would blackball me.

That’s what hurt the most. The fact of him wanting to hurt me when I wasn’t the one in the wrong. He flipped the script fast, soon as he realized that I was standing my ground. I heard my front door slam and glass shattering on my tile floor. Going into the living room, I was pleased that he left my spare key. The contract was gone and he slammed the door so hard that the big picture frame of me and him on vacation fell and shattered.