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“Yea whatever, where you at now?” She tried to change the subject.

“I’m at my old house about to check on Jocelyn then I’m-“ The phone hung up and out of anger I slammed the phone down in the cup holder pissed off to the max. Deciding to leave the phone in the car, I got out and made my way to the front door. I tried to respect Jocelyn and not just barge in on her. I didn’t want to see her naked or catch her off guard so I always gave her the decency of knocking first.

Before I could even knock, Jocelyn opened the door with a cigarette in her hand. I couldn’t lie, Jocelyn looked pretty as hell today. She rocked a short red summer dress, she even had her eyeglasses on reminding me of how she used to look when we were in school. Years ago she got rid of the glasses and replaced them with contacts.

“Hey Soulful.” She smiled and stepped to the side. The house was clean and Jocelyn smelled good as hell. She even looked good, close to her normal self. I didn’t really want to take a seat but I didn’t want shit to seem odd even though now things were different. It felt funny coming here now that me and my sisters no longer lived here.

I sat down and wished I would have brought my phone inside.

“I was just coming to check in on you, I gotta dip though because, I got other shit to do.” She took a seat right next to me. Pulling her glasses up her nose, she gave me that innocent look that she was always good at giving when she wanted something.

“My birthday is tomorrow.” She made small talk, I forgot all about her birthday. My focus wasn’t on Jocelyn anymore, so special shit like her birthday and anything else attached to her was put to the back of my mind.

“Oh alright, I’ll send you some extra bread.” I scooted over a little bit further from her, to create a little bit more space.

“Don’t tell me you forgot all about my birthday Soulful.” Her voice cracked a little, I sighed and just remained silent. I was a real nigga, and real nigga’s were suppose to lead, we don’t match the same energy of women. So I wasn’t going to sit up and tell her that I was giving her the same energy. When she forgot all about my birthday and didn’t even attempt to act happy that day.

It was more on some, you no longer mine now, so why the fuck should I keep up with your born day.

“Just been having a lot going on. I hope you enjoy your day and be safe though.” I went with my first mind and stood to my feet.

“I already put some bread in your account, I’ll send you some more now since your birthday is tomorrow. I gotta dip though.”

“Soulful, I’m sorry. I just feel so lonely. I miss you, well us, and how we used to be.” She hadn’t did this begging shit since I packed up all of my things. Today wasn’t the day for her to start. I already felt weighed down, this was some shit a nigga really didn’t need.

“Look Jah, I can’t do this with you man…You did me foul as fuck and ain’t no getting back after that. I just want to remain cordial and be there for you if you need me. I ain’t tryna leave you high and dry or none of that other shit.” I looked her right in her eyes. The tears flowing down her face didn’t move me at all. I truly didn’t have shit but this weekly allowance left to give her.

She wasn’t lonely either, when we were together she had friends that kept her busy all the time. All the games she missed of mine and special days, she spent that with her friends that she couldn’t get enough of.

“I made mistakes lots of them, I should have did better with Luv and Passion. I should have paid more attention to you and I should have never cheated. I was wrong, Soulful. I hate myself for hurting you.” She stood and got right in front of me.

“Learn from your mistakes, so you can treat the next nigga that come along better.” She held her hands out and I just looked down at them. I wasn’t about to hold her hands or hug Jocelyn, I had already been here to long.

“I want it with you, Soulful please give me another chance. My birthday is tomorrow and I don’t want to be lonely. All my friends, aren’t my friends anymore since they found out you divorced me. They were nothing but a bunch of fake ass bitches.” I shrugged at that, her friends loved all the shopping sprees that they went on with Jocelyn off of my dime. Now she was on a fixed income and couldn’t afford to splurge.

A fixed income that would come to a stop in the next year. I wasn’t about to continue breaking her off the way that I was. Since she didn’t hit me for spousal support, I came up with my own support for her. I even started taking a cut from the money I was giving her weekly to put to the side for her so when my payments stopped once and for all, she would have a very big lump some to live off of.

“I don’t know what to tell you Jah, I can’t give you another chance. I forgive you but a nigga will never forget what you did. I will never look at you again in that light of being my wife.” I turned to walk to the door and her pleading and begging got more severe.

“Can’t we just fuck! Soulful wait, please!” she grabbed my arm and I quickly snatched away from her hard making her almost fall.

“I moved on! I got a girl and she bout to have my fucking baby. I love her, I don’t got shit else for you, stop being so fucking desperate!” I spat with my jaws ticking from clenching them so tight.

“You got someone pregnant, Soulful?” She winced like she was in pain.

“Fuck!” I exclaimed, I wasn’t suppose to slip up the way that I just did but it happened. It was all too late to back pedal now.

“So it was that easy?” She looked crushed but I didn’t give a damn. She was going to find out sooner then later.

“It is what it is. Shit just happened, just like you happened. When somebody dies, life doesn’t stop Jah, you still live and mourn right?” I grabbed the door handle but kept my eye contact as she held her chest.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“A lot, when you ended up pregnant and almost OD’d, letting a strange nigga bring you to our house. That shit broke me in ways that I can’t even fuckin explain. I thought that I was gone be some bitter ass nigga. Dogging bitches and doing them wrong. The same night you refused to recognize my birthday, its like God sent one of his angels to me at that dinner party to sing for me. She did some shit to me that first night, shit, I was already hurting from you not giving a fuck or putting in the work to at least keep me happy. That night opened my eyes to a lot of shit with us. We weren’t meant to be, because the girl I got pregnant from a one night stand got me feeling things that took years to feel with you. So, what I mean Jocelyn is that just because something hurts you bad and you feel like you will never get over it. Trust that you will, you just gotta keep living. We living in times were it ain’t no time frame, to love, death or anything else. Any thing is possible.” I walked out the door and closed it behind me, leaving Jocelyn’s mouth on the tiled floor.

I didn’t feel guilty about shit, and I didn’t feel any amount of pity for her ass. I gave her years of my time to get shit right. I always remained hopeful with her, thinking despite what people said, I prayed that she would realize the good nigga she had in me.

Chapter Thirty-Five