Page 37 of A Merry Little Christmas

Olek came into the room with a reluctant sigh.

‘That was a long time ago, Mama, I don’t think Nell needs to have my first marriage raked up.’

‘Of course, of course.’ Irena took another generous sip of sherry. ‘I’m just saying. You always wanted more than one child, that’s all. And your father and I wouldn’t say no to more grandchildren.’

‘And maybe Nell and I will have them one day, and that’s our business,’ he said sternly. ‘But, in the meantime, you have Max. And now I am definitely going.’

He stopped to kiss Nell’s head, squeezed his mum’s shoulder and left the room.

‘He is right.’ Irena made an effort to smile. ‘We have Max, we are very lucky. And if more grandchildren come along, we will love them just as much.’

‘You have such a big heart, Mama. Any child will be lucky to have you as their babcia,’ said Nell just as a terrible thought came to her. So far, she’d thought of Olek’s infertility only in terms of the effect it would have on her husband. But it was just as devastating for Irena and Gienek too.

Her hands started shaking and she had to set down her glass for fear of spilling her drink. She sat on them before Irena noticed and prayed her face hadn’t gone white.

If it turned out that Max wasn’t Olek’s son, then he wasn’t their grandson either. That boy was the light of their lives, it would kill them to find out that he might not be their flesh and blood. The enormity of the responsibility she had heaped onto her own shoulders suddenly weighed impossibly heavy.

‘Hey, hey.’ Irena’s face crumpled with concern. ‘Shush, it is OK, it is OK, you can tell me anything, or tell me nothing, up to you.’

Suddenly, the wall of emotion that had built up was in danger of crumbling and the urge to talk to her mother-in-law became inevitable.

‘Oh Mama …’ Nell tried in vain to hold back her tears. ‘Oh, Mama. I would like a baby, but I can’t.’

‘Can’t? What is can’t?’ Irena looked bewildered.

‘There’s something wrong with me and I can’t have children naturally.’

‘Does Olek know?’ She pressed a hand to her mouth in shock.

Nell nodded. ‘We both went for tests.’

‘Of course he knows. I’m sorry. I know that you would never deceive him, would you?’

If only Nell was able to promise that she’d never lie to him, if only she could give Irena the reassurance she was seeking now, her bright eyes roaming Nell’s face. But, of course, she couldn’t. She’d already deceived him and every day the repercussions of her actions grew worse and worse.

‘Life doesn’t always deliver what we want, does it?’ she said instead.

‘Ojej,’ Irena tutted, rocking Nell from side to side in her arms. ‘You poor, poor girl. I am so sorry, I had no idea.’

That was certainly true, thought Nell. Nobody did, and she had no one she could confide in either.

She wished she’d never had those tests, she wished she didn’t know what she did. She hated the seed of doubt that had planted itself and taken root in her brain about Max. She’d never understood before how ignorance could be bliss, but now she’d give anything, anything at all, to be as in the dark about Max’s possible parentage as the rest of his family was.

Chapter 14

Merry

‘As I say, that’s my top-line valuation, Mrs Robinson. I’ll firm it up and send everything in writing, of course.’ Steve Mann, estate agent from Home and Castle, handed her a glossy brochure. ‘Here’s a summary of our comprehensive services, both for rental and property sales.’

‘Thank you, and thanks for dropping in at short notice.’ Merry tucked the brochure underneath a pile of magazines on the table next to the sofa. She’d read that later when Cole wasn’t around.

‘No problem. Although it’s a shame your husband wasn’t available.’ He zipped up his portfolio case and snapped the lid in place on his pen. ‘We generally like to see couples together, just in case one half is planning on selling from under the other’s nose.’

He laughed heartily and Merry shifted in her seat.

‘He’ll be sorry to have missed you,’ she said, not meeting his eye.

She had every intention of telling Cole about this appointment, just as soon as she’d got all the details in front of her. She wanted to be able to answer the questions she knew he’d have. He liked facts and figures, whereas Merry was more into hunches, feelings and spontaneous decisions. She liked to think that that was why they got on so well: yin and yang in marriage form. It wasn’t as if she was being completely deceitful; they’d have to do something with Holly Cottage once they’d moved out. She was simply making herself useful while she was sitting around doing nothing. Moving things on.