Page 38 of Crack the Ice

The vein in his neck bulges as he swallows, his fingers digging into his thigh. “I begged her not to go, told her I’d ask to go somewhere else. But she shook her head, and as tears streamed down her face, she looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘No, Markus. Someone needs to take care of Mav. He’s my person, Markus. Please, make sure he’s okay.’ I wanted to hate you, Reed.”

His hand lands on my shoulder, squeezing slightly. “I couldn’t, because she was right. You’re the best man I know on and off the ice. That may have started out of survival, of providing for your family, making sure everyone had what they needed. Hell, there’s no one better than you to make sure a bunch of assholes like us are okay. But, whether we made it to the finals again or not, it’s not on you to carry alone.”

I’d love to be able to form a coherent thought, but my mind is still stuck on “overshadowed” and “Markus Samuels’ sister.” The notion that she was nothing on her own, that if she weren’t her mother’s daughter or her brother’s sister, she’d have no value. My body breaks out in chills, and a painful lump gets stuck in my throat.

The cruelest words I’d ever said to her unknowingly played right into her biggest fear. Her brother’s words drop me right into the memory I’ve hated myself for for years now.

“I mean, you don’t have to work to make a living though, I’m sure there’s plenty of men who would love to have you on their arm. Why work so hard when you can look good next to your husband and do whatever you want all day?” I’m mortified that those words came out of my mouth. I’d been so close to asking her to be my girlfriend, so close to telling her how I feel, and then, this? I honestly don’t even know where it came from.

Wanting to fit in maybe? I don’t know, but fuck me. That was not what I meant.

My body temperature skyrockets as I see the color drain from her face, body swaying as she rubs her hands over the top of her jeans. Tears spring to her eyes. The way she looks at me makes my heart ache.

“Is that how you see me? Just someone’s possession, a bragging right for someone to claim?” Her voice is deceptively calm for how torn up she looks.

I shake my head, mouth hanging open because I can’t comprehend the fact that I’m in a situation where she’d ask me that.

She grabs her keys and jumps off the couch, completely ignoring my sister as she walks past her, running out the door.

All the sounds in the room begin to disappear, my eyes trained on the closed door. I can’t make myself move. I want to, I need to, but I can’t.

“You know, had you not said that, I think I would have still believed you had a crush on Markus Samuels’ little sister.”

My hesitation may have just cost me the best thing that’s ever happened to me. With that realization, I jump off the couch, growling at my teammate. “Her name is Cecilia, asshat.”

She’s almost to her car when I wrench the front door open, and I curse myself for not acting quicker.

“Cecy,” I yell. That makes her pick up speed, trying to get her car door open before I can get to it. Too bad for her, I’m taller and faster.

“Cecilia,” I say again, but this time I wrap my hand around her wrist and pull a little too hard, and she falls into my chest.

She immediately pulls away, and it feels worse than any hit I’ve ever taken. I take in her tear-stained cheeks, and war wages in my mind. Kiss her or let her go? Apologize profusely or pull her in for a dance? Do I wipe away her tears or would that make it worse if someone inside saw it?

“Cecy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

Her tongue runs across her top lip, catching some of her tears. “You’re different around them.”

I avert my gaze, running through what I’d said again, wishing more than anything that I could take it back, that I could defend her instead of making her feel worse.

She looks over my shoulder and scoffs at whatever she sees. Her hands fiddle with her key before she hits the unlock button one more time. Her eyes are lifeless when she looks back at me.

“I don’t know who you are anymore, Maverick. And it really sucks,” she whispers.

I watch her pull her door open, slide inside, and then look back at me. My jaw is clenched so tight I feel the muscle jump under the pressure. There’s nothing else I can do today. There’s nothing else I can say. I’ll just have to prove it to her.

Oh, fuck me. I have a laundry list of things I need to make up for.

THIRTEEN

CECILIA

“I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts…” I sing as I help Kait tidy up the front of Tattered Pages.

“Here they are standing in a row…” I pull the papers out of the printer and start to organize them by order number. It makes no sense to me why they don’t print in order, but that’s not my problem to deal with.

“Bum bum bum.” Kait sings as she takes some books off a shelf and adds new ones.

None of my friends are put off by my vocal stims. Most of them willingly join in. At first, they didn’t know why I did it, and honestly, neither did I. But once I figured it out, I understood myself and my coping mechanisms so much better.