Page 37 of Crack the Ice

We’re fine. Kelsey tried to teach us how to cradle a lacrosse ball. I must be really uncoordinated because I couldn’t keep it in the stick.

I can’t do that either. She’s a magician. I’ll FaceTime you guys when we get to the hotel. Thanks for holding down the fort, you’re a great dude.

Cade

Yeah. Thanks.

“You hiding from us now?” Sammy says as he plops his massive body in the seat next to me.

I turn, putting my shoulder against the window of the bus. “Like I could ever get away from the lot of you.”

His eyes harden as he takes me in. “This loss is not on you. We win as a team, we lose as a team. And to be quite honest, I don’t give a rat’s ass if you’re our captain or not. You don’t get to sit back here and throw yourself a pity party.”

My head falls back against the window, and the corner of my lip pulls up slightly. “That’s what you think I’m back here doing? Having a pity party?”

“Is it not?” he counters.

I hike an eyebrow. “Maybe my girl was sending me pics, and I didn’t want you assholes to see them.”

His head rears back, a wrinkle forming deep between his brows. “You have a girl? Like seriously?”

“Would it be so hard to believe if I did”

“Uh yeah,” he scoffs. “As I’ve said before, you may as well be a freaking monk.”

I let out a soft chuckle. My monkish status is my own doing. Mainly because not a soul on this planet calms me the way Cecilia does. We’re inevitable, I just have to figure out how to get her to see it.

“I was checking on Lily and Cade, and figured if one of them wanted to talk, I probably shouldn’t be around the cuss-a-thon I’m sure is going on up there.”

Understanding takes over, and he nods a couple times before his hand brushes against the liquid stitches on his cheek. “Can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“Do you think they knew she wasn’t going to make it?”

I force a smile, swallowing past the burn in my throat. I asked my mom’s doctor the same question. Except her doctor knew I needed the truth. I didn’t need more bullshit runaround.

“Yeah, they’re not dumb. They knew it was coming. I’m just glad she had a plan.” My hand drags over my face, skin pulling as I reach my chin. “It would have been nice to know beforehand, but I love having them around.”

He nods.

Breaking the silence, he says, “Cecilia begged for my parents to take you in after your mom died, you know.”

Well, that’s new. I’ve known his sister nine years longer than I’ve known him. He chuckles as he watches my eyebrows disappear into my hairline.

He and I were never close before he got traded to the Hawks. We talked in passing, never played for the same team, and I always thought it’d be weird to befriend him when his sister had been my closest friend for years. And, you know, the only woman I’ve ever loved. It seemed like a conflict of interest.

“She said you were her best friend, and she loved you as much as Lana. Said it was sad for you to be alone, to come home from traveling and have to jump right into responsible adult mode when no one was helping you.” His gaze moves to the seat in front of us.

“I remember thinking, damn, my sister is in love with this guy, and I’m going to have to beat his ass.” A laugh scrapes out of him, rough like he’d just swallowed gravel. When he turns his head again, his eyes are glassy. “I still see it clear as day the way she looked at our mom and said, ‘he takes care of everyone else, Mamí. But no one takes care of him. He’s strong, but he shouldn’t have to carry all of that on his own.’”

I don’t move, but something inside me shifts. The tension I carry in my shoulders doesn’t lock up the way it normally does where she’s concerned. No, it melts, leaving me feeling lighter, more human, and so fucking tired.

I focus on something out the window. A bittersweet smile touches my lips. “She said that?” I whisper, the words barely audible in the small confines of the back of the bus.

He gives me a solemn nod. “I was so jealous. Jealous that she cared about you that much. Millie would have done the same thing for me if my parents had died. Pleaded until she cried, and her parents gave in. I wanted my sister to care about me that way.” He swallows thickly, and it’s on the edge of my tongue to tell him she does when he continues, unknowingly driving a stake through my heart.

“I know she does. It’s just different than how she cares for you. Cecy has always lived in the shadows. Not intentionally, of course. She shines way too bright for that. But she’s always been ‘Selina Samuels’ daughter’ or ‘Markus Samuels’ sister’. When she took off for Spain, I thought it was my fault. Getting traded to the Hawks meant the life she was building for herself here was about to be overshadowed by me and my career, again.”