Page 54 of Crack the Ice

Shit. My phone. I drop the pod, slam the lid, and dart across the house, fumbling with my phone before a knock comes again.

Mav

I know my words are empty right now, but Cess, I’m not giving up on you. On us.

Thank you for trusting me with that, even if you didn’t exactly mean to tell me.

Are you awake? I’m at Beautiful Pour, want something?

Fine, your usual it is. See you soon.

“I’ve got all day, Cecy. But I have coffee.”

I let my head fall behind me, hitting the wall with a quiet thud. A soft but bitter laugh escapes before I blow out a breath that moves some of the fallen hair out of my face. The little devil on my shoulder starts to whisper, you could be real quiet and wait him out. Surely he doesn’t have all day.

He knocks again, three times this time. Patient yet steady, my traitorous body walks to the door almost on autopilot, reaching for the knob like it’s being called by a siren at sea. The door opens, and my mouth instantly dries.

Two coffees. Backward hat. Nose ring. Jeans that cling to his thighs like they were painted on, a white T-shirt and tattoos I’d like to put frosting over and trace with my tongue.

Cecilia Samuels. What the actual hell is wrong with you?

“Are you busy?” His eyes trail from my head to my toes, growing hungrier every inch they cover. Is this what it feels like to be wanted? I fight a shiver as the corner of his mouth pulls up, like he likes what he sees, even though I am currently a mess.

Realizing he’s still standing outside, I blow a piece of fallen hair out of my face and step aside, pulling the door open further. “I was cleaning.”

“I see that,” he mumbles as he steps inside for the second time in two days.

When the door clicks shut behind him, I let my head rest against the cool metal of it.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his hand cold yet void of coffee comes to rest on my lower back.

This time I do shiver before shaking my head, rolling it back and forth.

He chuckles, taking my hand in his and pulling me away from the resting position I was in. My body feels heavy, like I’d just done some stupid HIIT workout and my brain and muscles are at some disconnect. Rioting against the most basic form of movement.

His fingers lace together with mine, and I almost sigh. I almost let my body lean into it, but I’m scared. I’m scared that this is all going to be some repeat of the last time, except the stakes are higher now than they were then.

He hands me my coffee, takes my shoulders in his hands, and steers me over to my couch, gently guiding me to take a seat. “I came to check on you.”

“Why?” I croak.

“Because that was a lot, and I didn’t want you to overthink it.” He looks around the living room, eyebrows hiking as he takes in the vacuum lines. “But by the looks of it, I’m a little late.”

My lips wrap around the straw, and I suck harder than I should, sending myself into a coughing fit. But the burn feels good for some reason. “Sorry,” I say between coughs.

His amused smile makes me want to kiss him and punch him at the same time. “How can I make this better for you?”

He sits on the coffee table in front of me, hands hanging between his knees, those bright green eyes staring back at me. “I don’t know, Mav. I’m kind of a mess.”

“You’re not, but even if you were, I’d still want you.”

My feet tap rhythmically against the floor, doing what they can to expel some of this nervous energy. “How? How can you still want me? I ran, left you behind, never gave you an explanation, and then when I did, you accepted it like it wasn’t life altering.”

“You leaving was life altering. Kids or no kids, Cess. Nothing else matters but you. It’s you. Always.”

“You don’t know that, though. And I don’t know if you mean what you said.”

“But I do because even when you were gone, or here, hellbent on ignoring me, no one else could ever hold my attention the way you can. No one has my heart the way you do. As far as the other part, I know. I don’t want you to trust my words. I want you to trust my actions.”