Page 55 of Crack the Ice

My eyes well with tears, whether that’s from mental exhaustion or the fact that he’s here, checking on me when he could be anywhere else, I don’t know. But I can’t make the words come out. I can’t even look at him.

“I need you to really hear this next part though, okay?”

My eyes lift to his, head bobbing in agreement. He licks his lips, eyes falling to the floor before coming back to meet mine.

“You are not broken. You are not something that needs to be fixed. You’re beautiful and whole, and you make the world a better place just by being in it.”

My chest cracks open. The dam has officially broken beyond repair. I fall forward into his chest, sobs rolling through me hard enough that it’s difficult to breathe. There’s no gracefulness in this moment. It’s raw and ugly, and so unbelievably cleansing.

He slides off the coffee table and kneels in front of me, hands running up and down my back in comforting strokes, and he lets me break. He lets me hurt, and he doesn’t try to fix it. He’s giving me space to simply be. That little fact only makes me cry harder because it gives me a little more hope that things could be different.

“Thank you,” I whisper into the juncture of his neck.

He doesn’t say anything, just holds me a bit tighter, pulling us closer until there’s no space between us. Like two magnets finally snapping together after fighting against their opposites for so long, we meld into one. Right now there is no Mav and Cecy. There’s just us, here, in the stillness of my house that smells like it’s been cleaned for hazardous waste.

His hand moves to cup my cheek. His touch is tender, gentle, and wholly undoes me. “One day you won’t thank me for showing up when you need me. I’ll just be there. One day you won’t question my love for you because you’ll feel it. But until then, I’ll remind you every chance I get. Today, that started with a simple check-in. Your brain is beautiful. You are brilliant, sometimes you need a little help getting out of it.”

His lips meet my forehead, and I melt further. God, it’s going to kill me if this doesn’t end with his ring on my finger and two beautiful kids who I get to be lucky enough to see grow up. “Both Cade and Lily have practice today, but they have a game next week. I’m sure they’d love it if you came.”

“Okay, let me know when.”

“I will. Can we get dinner or something one night this week? Just the two of us.” When I don’t answer, he tacks on, “Not a date, not yet. Just… friends.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Okay.” Strong hands squeeze my shoulders before he stands. “Are you okay?” His head shakes on a disbelieving laugh. “That wasn’t what I was trying to ask. I know you aren’t. Are you going to be okay? Do you want to watch a movie or something? I could stay.”

“I’m okay. Sunny’s coming later. I had to work off some of my anxiety. You said they have practice, aren’t you their coach?”

His forearms flex as he pushes his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, but I’d stay if you needed me.”

I tried to take a breath, but the air gets trapped inside. Those words acted as a lighter to a fraying thread, stopping its destruction, even if only temporarily. I needed to hear that, to know he cared. That I was a priority and he was willing to do things differently, and here he is, doing just that.

“No.” I give my head a gentle shake, the tips of my lips pulling up at the corners. “Thank you, but they need their coach. We can have dinner, just tell me when.”

His smile screams victory. It’s big, cheesy, and so bright that it makes me giggle. My hand covers my mouth at the noise.

“Don’t water yourself down for me, Cess. I want you exactly as you are. Okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, see you soon.” He pulls the front door open, pausing before stepping over the threshold. “Lock up behind me.”

I give him a salute. “Sir, yes sir.”

He stares at me for a second before groaning and dramatically swinging himself out the door, letting it close softly behind him. God, I missed him and the way he can be silly with me. It’s not a side everyone gets to see, and I was always so happy when he’d let me see it.

I watch him retreat through the window. The knot of anxiety sitting in my chest loosens a bit when he stops halfway to his car, turns around, and waves. I lift my hand, returning the stupidly adorable gesture. Before I realize what’s happening, my lips pull up at the corners, and like they’ve got a string connected to my heart, the organ responsible for keeping me alive beats steadier than it has in years.

Leave it to Maverick Reed to be one of its biggest hurts, yet the only place, even after all this time, that’s ever truly felt like home. My chest heaves with the strength of my inhale as I watch him pull out of my driveway. I don’t know how to feel about all this. It feels fast yet like it’s been such a long time coming, him and I.

My phone pings from my kitchen, snapping me out of my thoughts. I walk over and pick it up, thinking it may be Mav already, which I should know better. That man puts his phone in the glove box when he’s driving. “There’s too much precious cargo in my car for me to get distracted by my phone, Cecy,” he used to say.

Instead, I find a text from Sunny.

Sunny Collins

I’m three hours out. I’m going to stop by Dad’s first, though. Dinner and a movie?