Page 56 of Crack the Ice

Ted Lasso and Ice Cream?

I’m so glad we speak the same language. See you soon, Cecy girl.

Drive safe, Sunny Bunny

Is this what it feels like when the life you thought you were giving up for everyone else’s sake slowly starts to piece itself back together?

TWENTY

MAVERICK

I blink against the soft light filtering into my room. The weight of the conversation Cecy and I had a few days ago feels raw, and every time I picture her face when she realized what she’d told me, it’s like salt in an open wound. She didn’t mean to tell me. That I’m sure of. I’m definitely not mad that she did, though. I don’t think there would ever be a chance for anything had she continued to keep it in, or at least away from me.

Sure, I wanted kids of my own. I have so many things I’d like to do differently than my own father did, but I want her more. I need her to know that I’d give up everything right now if it meant I could have her with me. She’s the calm sea to my tumultuous river. The anchor that pulls me back when I start to stray too far. I’ve dreamt of a time I could wake up and brush her hair out of her face, kiss her lips before I did anything else. Worship her the way she deserves. And not an ounce of those desires ever hung on the stipulation of having kids.

I meant it when I told her to move in, and I hope that she does. I hope she pulls me in to dance every time she sees I need to get out of my own way. I hope she finds a way to pull Cade out of his. I hope I come home from games and find them all curled up on the couch, tired but lighting up when I walk through the door. I hope her shampoo finds its way to my shower, her hair ties into my bag. Her into my bed.

God, I hope she’ll feel at home with me the way I do with her.

The second I got home from her house the other night, Lily asked if she could redo her room. Something about it not being “trendy” enough. Whatever the hell that means. Cade said he didn’t care, but when I asked him what he’d change, he didn’t hesitate to tell me exactly what he’d do to make it more his style. I figured that if Cecy was going to stay with them, as much as I’d love for her to sleep in my bed, she should probably have a room of her own.

My guest rooms are pretty basic, and definitely not fit for a queen like her, so today, we’re heading to the big furniture warehouse with their dream rooms in mind and an unlimited budget.

“Do you think they’ll have those fun loft beds? I’ve always wanted one of those.” Lily asks excitedly from the back seat. They do. I checked. It’s why we’re at this particular location.

“Yeah, they do. You guys can pick whatever you want, okay? Whatever will make you feel at home.”

“Really?” Cade eyes me warily.

“Yeah, really. I wasn’t exactly prepared for you guys when you got here. But it’s your room, and I intend to make sure you’re there for at least another two years, and your sister another six. I want them to be what you want.”

“Okay,” he mumbles, pushing the door of the car open and stepping out into the ridiculously humid July day.

Stepping through the doors, we’re immediately greeted by what I assume is a salesperson working off commission, given how eager he seems. “Can I help you find anything?” he asks, wiggling his pen between his fingers.

“Yep! We’re redoing our rooms!” Lily yells. “You got loft beds?”

The sales guy who turned before I could read his name tag chuckles at her enthusiasm. “Of course, young lady. Let me show you what we’ve got.”

Cade and I trail behind them, watching as she climbs up and down all of them to see the view from the top. She puts her hand over her eyes and squints. Whatever she’s pretending makes her laugh as she rushes down to the next one.

“What about this one, Lil?” I ask, pointing to one in the corner. It’s equipped with safety railings, of course, with a daybed and a desk underneath. It’s fitted with those little fairy light things hanging over the desk. I’m sure at some point she’ll want to turn it into a makeup table, but we can cross that bridge when we get there.

“I love it!” She squeals, and I nod, letting him know that we’ll take it. He scribbles something down on his paper.

“You can deliver it to the house, correct?” I ask, noting his name tag reads ‘Jason.’

“Yes, sir, we can set that up for you.”

“Okay, Lily. It’s your brother’s turn.” She hops off and wraps her hand in Cade’s, swinging it between them. I catch the small smile he gives her, and damn, something so simple shouldn’t be this rewarding, but it is.

Jason starts to lead us to the other side, but something catches my eye on the way.

It’s an entire showroom made to look like a bedroom, and it’s Cecilia through and through. The bed is covered in dusty pink bedding, set against walls that take on a more tan than pinkish hue. Vertical wood slats cover the bottom half of the walls, cutting and curving in the middle to split the space in half.

Delicate pink flowers are painted on the soft plaster above the wood, all highlighted perfectly by hidden lighting that illuminates the sweeping curve. I can see her in it now.

It’s as if her personality has been taken straight from her and put into this room. Soft curves that depict the gentle heart that beats inside her. Muted pink that feels like spring, without being loud and in your face. Flowers that are fully bloomed, beautiful yet strong in where they stand, and lights that shine in the cracks, just like she’s always done for me. It’s perfect.