Page 132 of True Blue

I nod in understanding. Similar sentiments to what I feel toward Teddy. I miss him so much, but I don’t trust him. Not now.

“Teddy didn’t cheat on me,” I say, because I need to say it out loud.

“Betrayal comes in all shapes and sizes, Indie. And everyone has a different threshold for forgiveness. Mine doesn’t include cheating,” he looks at me, curious and asks softly, “Does yours?”

My answer is immediate and firm.

“No, if he cheated, I’d be done with him for good,” I say, smirking when humor bubbles up in my throat. “Probably go full Waiting to Exhale on him and set fire to his car with everything of his in it.”

Sebastian frowns, not catching the reference. Another movie I used to rent at the library.

“It’s a movie, anyway,” I sigh. “I just… feel confused, because he deeply hurt me. But he followed me here to London. He apologized sincerely, as did Rose. He got me gluten-free donuts—do you understand how hard it is to find a good gluten-free donut?”

Sebastian chuckles, shaking his head. “I can’t say I do.”

"Next to impossible, Sebastian. But he found some for me this morning. He used to be so careful when we were out to eat, too, making sure nothing contained gluten. He remembered little things about me—my favorite snacks, my comfort movies, and the fabrics and jewelry I prefer because the others feel too cold or too wrong. And he didn't even bat an eye when I said that, unlike other people who think I'm clinically insane when I explain that I prefer gold because it feels warm, and the scrubs the hospital provides make me want to peel my skin off."

The alcohol has completely loosened my lips now, and I continue on, riling myself up.

"He even knew when I was getting my period, and I would come back to my apartment to find a huge bag of chocolate and a drawing he made of me, the details perfect down to the last smile line. He could sense when I had a bad day at work and needed quiet for at least an hour, or I'd send myself into a meltdown. Then, when I did have a meltdown, he never looked at me differently; he was just... there for me. However I needed him."

Tears sting my eyes, anger and love warring in my chest like a fucking battle I can't control, only observe.

"He knew just the amount of pressure I needed in a hug, because too light feels ticklish, but too much feels suffocating. He knew how to make space for every part of me that others considered difficult or bizarre..."

My voice catches, and my body deflates.

"And yet..."

Sebastian smiles sadly. "He didn't show up when it mattered."

"Yes!" I say, a little too loud, as conversation around us cuts for a moment before picking back up. Sebastian doesn't flinch or try to calm me down. He just nods encouragingly. "And that's the most infuriating thing, because it's usually the little things people forget. Especially about me. He knew how to take care of me, but he didn't know how to stand up for me."

Sebastian considers my words for a moment.

"Have you talked to him?"

I look down, feeling a little ashamed.

"No, I just... left in the middle of the night," I say, my mouth twisting. "Like a coward."

"It's not cowardly, Indie," he says, leaning closer to me, his voice firm. "That was survival."

My throat tightens.

"But I think you have a lot of questions that you are owed answers to."

"I just don't think I'm ready to hear them yet," I say, the truth of it tasting sour in my mouth. "I don't want to ruin my vacation."

"So, don't ask them yet. Enjoy your vacation. You're owed this," Sebastian says, leaning closer and dropping his voice. "But Indie, you’re allowed to feel hurt. You’re allowed to react to that hurt. You’re owed answers for your hurt. When you're ready, demand them."

We share a smile, and I'm forced to admit—my chest feels lighter.

An hour later, Sebastian pays the bill, waving me off when I offer to split it. I stand from the stool, feeling a little off balance but not so bad. My body feels buzzed still, but not drunk, still in control of myself.

A shiver runs down my spine, though, a feeling of eyes on me, but I assume that it's Sebastian glancing in my direction.

When I glance over my shoulder, I only see people lingering in the dim lounge, sitting in booths, laughing softly with each other, settling their tabs. Nothing unusual.