Page 109 of The Golden Hour

Honey sits for a minute and considers the question.

“I like to sing,” Honey says. “I still do that. For Daisy, but also for me. I’m sharing that with Daisy.”

Dr. DeNunez nods encouragingly.

“That’s great, now what else do you like to do?”

“I like to bake,” Honey smiles and blushes. “I’m a really good baker.”

Dr. DeNunez chuckles. “I don’t doubt it. What else?”

“I like crafting and thrifting,” Honey says, feeling warm all over when she remembers the before. While she would never change a single thing for Daisy to be here—bad times and all—she enjoys the feeling of remembering who she was, and thinking of who she can be. “I like hiking a lot. Oh, and gardening! I had planned out a garden for our backyard before I got pregnant.”

“Gardening is very calming for many people,” Dr. DeNunez says. “I think it would be really good for you to get back into it.”

Honey smiles and sighs deeply.

“And I loved my job,” Honey says quietly. “I worked with children all day, and I was good at it. I liked being someone parents trusted. I liked having a purpose outside my house.”

“Have you considered returning to work?”

“I have,” Honey says. “My old coworkers text me daily to beg for me to come back.”

“And?”

“And I want to, but… with the lawsuit and Daisy,” Honey says, her throat clogging. That feeling of being swarmed rushes over her. There has been so much in such a short amount of time that it has become almost overwhelming. “And selling the house, and healing my body, and my marriage that feels like it’s on life support…”

“Realistically, do you think returning to work will inhibit any of that, or do you think it may help you by giving you a purpose once more?”

Honey shrinks in her seat.

“Because I think remembering life outside of motherhood, getting out and talking to people, and finding purpose again will greatly help you and your mental health.”

“I’m just scared,” Honey whispers.

“Of what, Honey?” Dr. DeNunez asks kindly.

“I don’t even know,” Honey admits with an empty laugh. “Change, I guess? Balancing everything. I feel so stuck in one place, and being Daisy’s mom is the one thing I’m good at right now. The one thing I feel like I’m not failing. I failed at being a wife. I don’t want to fail at being a mother, and I’m scared that going back to work will take that away from me. Take me away from Daisy…” Honey buries her face in her hands and mutters. “It’s so stupid⁠⁠—”

“It’s not stupid,” Dr. DeNunez says firmly. “Your feelings are never stupid. It’s how you feel, so you need to unpack the why behind it.”

Honey glances back up and shrugs.

“I don’t know why I’m feeling this way.”

“Have you always been afraid of the unknown?”

“I… think so? When we moved to Philly, I was scared, but… everything turned out fine. I met Mason, I made friends, I built a life. With pregnancy, I was terrified and it turned out to be…” Honey’s face twists. “Not great, but… she’s here. I’m here. We’re healthy and happy. Every scary thing I’ve done has turned out okay in the end… but the fear is… heavy.”

“Everything you want in life is usually found on the other side of fear,” Dr. DeNunez says solemnly. “And the scariest things are often the most rewarding.”

“So are you telling me to go back to work?”

Dr. DeNunez shakes her head.

“No, I’m not telling you to do anything beyond trusting your instincts. To do things that are scary, and to remember that you are not just Honey, Daisy’s mother. You are Honey, a person who loves to bake, hike, and teach.”

Honey feels herself straightening in her seat, a smile spreading across her face at Dr. DeNunez’s words.