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“Based on the evaluation, they will make recommendations. After something this serious happened, we cannot just take the overdose and send her home without having some kind of answers as to what caused her to do this. No one is here to make Ms. Joseph suffer. We want to give her the help that she needs, so that nothing like this has to happen again. I’m going to go, and grab the doctor,” the nurse finished, not really leaving any room for any of us to say anything else because she turned on her heels, walking out of the room.

Once she was gone, that’s when I lay back in bed, turned on my side, and pulled the cover over me. I needed a moment to cry, and I didn’t want anyone to witness the breakdown that I was having.

“Anari, get it the fuck together! You throwing fuckin tantrums, and you going to make it seem like you are still mentally incapable. They just told your ass that they’re going to send someone in here to see where your head is at. You in here screaming, and hollering. You going to make that decision so much easier for them!” my mama screamed at me.

“Man, go outside with that shit! She don’t need to hear that right now!” that was my sister’s voice that came through.

I didn’t have it in me to raise up and tell the two of them not to start. All I was thinking about right now was possibly losing my son.

“Tameka, and Deja, don’t ya’ll start that mess in here. Anari, sit up! Sit up right now!” my grandma fussed at me, getting on my mom, my sister, and me.

I knew not to try her. I knew she would grab my ass up out of this bed. As badly as I wanted to sulk and think about all the depressing shit that could possibly happen, I sat up, using my hands to wipe the tears that fell from my eyes. I looked ahead of me too.

You know you just finished releasing a good cry when you get the hiccups afterwards. That’s what was going on right now. I had chills too.

“Wipe your tears and get it together. You don’t have to be perfect when they come in here, but you also don’t want to look like you aren’t capable of going home and raising your son,” my grandma said to me.

I heard her, but I didn’t respond. My sister and my aunt further enforced what my grandma just said to me. I was taking in all the things that they were telling me.

I spent these next few moments trying to get it together in here. The nurse never told me how long it was going to take before the doctor or someone from behavioral health came. I didn’t know if it was going to take a couple of minutes or a couple of hours. I’m glad that I didn’t make myself believe that it would be awhile because within fifteen minutes, the doctor walked into the room. That part lasted no more than ten minutes. She just checked me out, asked me a few questions, talked about the severity of the pills that I’d taken, and things like that.

That part was the breeze. Now, when the door opened again, probably twenty minutes after the doctor left, and it was the person walking in from behavioral health, that’s when I freaked out. The tears that I was trying to keep to myself ended up falling down my face.

It seemed so serious. She seemed so serious. She wasn’t sporting a smile like the nurse, and the doctor. She looked to be about her business. She was dressed in a pants suit, with an ID clipped to the front of her blazer. There was a folder tucked underneath her arm, which I’m sure held information about me.

“Hi Anari,” she said, coming over to the empty chair that was on the side of the bed, and she took a seat in it.

I just waved at her. I looked at her as the woman that was here to potentially take my child away from me. Because of that, I couldn’t be all giddy, smiling at her, extending my hand for her to shake.

“My name is Ms. James. I’m with behavioral health here at Memorial hospital. I can tell that you’re scared, so let me just give you some sort of reassurance and let you know that I come in peace. I’m not here to overwhelm you. I just want to ask you a few questions, so that I can get a better understanding of what happened last night. I also want to know exactly how you’re feeling right now. Can we talk about that?” she asked.

“Am I going to go home to my son?” I wanted to know. That question made her smile.

She smiled, while opening the folder, examining the contents inside, and then placing her eyes back on me.

“That’s what I’m here to talk to you about, Anari. Are you comfortable with everyone staying in the room while we talk?” Ms. James asked me.

“She’s a minor. I’m not leaving her in here by herself,” my mom spoke.

“I’m aware. Some questions are going to get a little deep, and I just wanted to make sure that Anari is comfortable answering them with everyone in the room,” Ms. James replied.

“I’m comfortable. I’m close with my family. Whatever we talk about, I’m going to tell them anyways,” I said, and she nodded her head.

She cleared her throat, and the mini notebook that was sitting inside the folder, she pulled it out. I watched as she flipped to find an empty page, and with the pen in her hand, she glanced up at me.

“How are you feeling today?” she eventually asked me.

That question caused me to sigh. I didn’t really like being asked that question. I felt like it was such a trigger. A lot of times, when people ask me how I was feeling, I would lie. I would tell them that I was feeling fine, knowing that deep down inside, I wasn’t feeling my best.

“I don’t know. Shocked, I guess,” that was a truthful answer. I could have sat here and lied, telling her that I was feeling fine, but I knew that there was a strong chance she wouldn’t believe me.

“What are you shocked about?” she asked.

“That I’m still here. That I actually did what I did. Waking up, seeing my sister in the bed with me, and my mom, aunt, and grandma in the room with me, it just feels… weird, I guess,” I explained, and as if she understood what I was saying, she nodded her head, wrote something down, and then looked at me.

“Did you expect to wake up and see your family again?” when she asked me that, that’s when the tears started rolling.

Deja was still in bed with me, so she scooted over, wrapped her arm around me, giving me the comfort that I needed. I placed my hand on top of her free hand that was in her lap, and she squeezed it. That question made me so emotional because I’d made peace in my decision that night in my bedroom. I kissed my son goodbye when he left with his dad. I told him that I loved him more than anything too. I sent that message to my sister, letting her know that I loved her too. I was sure with the arrangements that I had in place for my son, knowing that I would want him to go with my sister.