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“What for? Coming in here, all fists and fury?” I ask, a small smile forming.
“For so many things,” she replies. I cock my head, waiting for her to elaborate. “I’m sorry for always letting myself believe the worst about people, I’m sorry that my first instinct is to lash out.”
“You don’t have to apologise. I know why you think the worst of people, because most people have always shown you their worst side—me included. I’m the one who has things to apologise for. I’m sorry that I was a heartless bastard. I’m sorry for the way I treated you, and for walking out of your life. Twice,” I whisper.
We stand for a moment, still holding hands. She stares at me, her eyes scanning my face, like she’s trying to find evidence of my lies or a trap. I let go of one of her hands and raise mine, touching across her cheek.
“You broke my heart. Twice,” she murmurs. “Nobody brings me to the highs you do, but nobody has ever hurt me as much as you did either.”
Her admission cracks my heart. All I ever wanted to do was to protect her, to love her, and I caused her pain.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know how I can ever make it up to you, but I do know I want to try. I’ll find a way. I’ll pay any penance you demand. I know I caused all of this, and I’m so sorry.” I keep my eyes trained on her. She doesn’t blink, nor look away.
“Please don’t hurt me again. I won’t survive it,” she whispers.
I move my thumb slightly, brushing over her mouth. I pause at the centre, and she kisses the pad of my thumb, parting her lips slightly.
I drop her other hand, and mine finds its way to her waist, then moves around, trailing over the curve of her stomach.
“Do you mind?” I ask, and she shakes her head.
For a moment, I let myself think about what it would have been like if Hannah hadn’t made her threats, or if I had been brave enough to walk away from her and stay with Delilah instead. We would have discovered her pregnancy together. I think about how I would have been touching her baby bump, knowing it was our baby growing inside her, something made out of our love.
“Are we about to make another bad choice?” Delilah asks.
“The only bad choices I ever made in relation to you were when I chose to run away. Each time, I should have been stronger and chose to hold your hand. Can you forgive me for those choices? Can you let me make it right? Genuine forgiveness, Delilah, not just a truce. Can we have that fresh start we talked about?”
“Can you really forgive me for not telling you about Maddie?”
“I do.” I nod as I talk. My epiphany this evening remains: If I let the anger carry on consuming me, it’ll taint all my future. I’ve allowed it to consume me for two years, and I don’t want my future to be the same as my past.
“Then yes. We’ll take this all one day at a time,” she agrees.
I let my hands roam around to her back, pulling her closer to me. I kiss her forehead, let the scent of her wash over me, then kiss her cheek. My fingers trail down her spine, and I kiss her lips. A kiss of apology and forgiveness. She lets out a little half-agonised moan against my mouth.
“Are you okay?” I ask, pulling away and glancing down at her.
“I haven’t been kissed in a year, so twice in one night is a lot,” she admits, her cheeks flushing pink.
“Well, that answers the question I had about whether you had a very understanding boyfriend hidden away somewhere,” I joke.
“No, the last guy was Jamie, but we broke up a year ago. I think he got fed up waiting for me to let him in properly, as I don’t really let people in.” She shrugs.
“I know you find it difficult, but… for tonight… let me in. Let me take care of you.”
“You want to take care of me?” she echoes.
“In every way possible.” I lean closer and kiss her again. Softly and gently at first, little fluttery kisses, feeling how any of her confusion and resistance ebbs away, how one moment I’m kissing her and then we’re kissing each other. Equal give and take, equal levels of heat, passion, and a shared hope that this time, even if only for one night, we can get this right.
Chapter nineteen
Delilah
Present Day
For the second time today, I’m reminded how well Joseph kisses. How good it feels when his mouth is on mine, when his tongue brushes against mine, and what it does to me when he rests his hand against my throat.
It all feels so impossibly good that for a few minutes, I let it happen. More than that, I participate and even dominate. I wrap my leg around him, pulling him against me, feeling his arousal, realising that the hormones and lust flowing through my body are flowing through his too.
