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Before I can worry that he’s going to change his mind or that he regrets his decisions now that he’s looked at me properly, he reaches for his belt buckle and works one-handed to undo it, then pulls it out of the loops on his trousers. He stares at me as he unbuttons his shirt, tugging it from the waistband and then shrugging it off, revealing the same broad chest I can recall sleeping against for months. The same chest I’d trace my fingers over and wonder how I got so lucky. The rest of his clothes follow, and he stands naked in front of me. I survey his body and wonder if he feels as self-conscious as I did. Which now feels foolish, because when I look at him, his stunned expression, his beautiful body and his long, hard cock, all I feel is desire and need.

He leans slightly towards his bedside table, pulling the drawer open. Inside is the usual crap that people leave in their bedside drawers, including a box of condoms. I take it from him, opening the fresh seal of the packet, idly wondering how long it’s been since he last had sex. Is this a fresh pack because he fucks enough to get through them regularly, always a new one ready for a new lover? Or has it been a while and he wondered when he’d ever need them again?

I start to pull one of the condoms out, but he takes it back from me.

“Joseph—” I start, but he gives a little shake of his head.

“Not yet, sweetheart. I’m not rushing to the main event. I want to taste you and pleasure you every which way I can before I finally sink my cock into you,” he declares. He gets onto the bed, making himself comfortable before looking at me. “Come sit on my face, Delilah. Ride my tongue and let me see if I can make you come as hard as you used to.”

Of my lovers after him, none were ever as enthusiastic as Joseph always was when he could convince me to sit on his face. I used to protest, afraid I’d accidentally suffocate him, but the first time I agreed to try it, I swear I came harder than I ever had before. It was never lost on me that my former teacher was the first man who showed me how to have sex, how to orgasm, how to have multiple orgasms, and has been the only man who was always consistently successful at providing them.

“I’m a bit bigger than I used to be,” I point out.

“Delilah, stop. You’re fucking perfect,” he growls.

I grin and get into position over him, gently at first, but then he grabs my ass and pulls me closer so I’m properly seated on his face. The second he starts, I gasp and swear, swivel and grind. I remind myself of my resolve, that it’s just for one night. One night to feel the pleasure, to let it wash away some of the pain from the past. One night to lean into all of it and pretend we were everything I thought.

One night. There’s no harm for one night.

While Joseph works away at me, his hands gripping my ass, I give in to the sensations. I stop thinking and focus on the pleasure.

Everything else can wait until morning, and some truths can wait forever.

I’ll deal with the consequences tomorrow.

Bless me, Felix, for I have sinned.

Chapter ten

Delilah

Then—School

“How do you think you did on the exam?” Ellie asks as we walk out of the examination hall.

“Okay, I think, but it’s hard to say for sure. Maybe I waffled too much in my last essay question, but at least they’re done with now. It’s all off my mind until results day. How about you?” I ask.

She shrugs. “I think I did okay. I hope so. I need my grades because my university requirements don’t leave me much room for messing up. Where did you apply?”

I shake my head and pull my bag closer to my body. I didn’t apply for any university courses. I can’t afford it, and as much as I hate the home life I have, I cringe at the idea of being alone in a different city. I don’t think I’m ready for it. I want to stay with Felix, wherever he chooses to study. I can get a job to support me as I work out what I want to do.

“I thought I’d take a gap year,” I lie. It’s always easier to say I’m taking a gap year than to admit I have no immediate plans to go. Teachers and students always look a little judgemental, but I’m sure there are other students who aren’t so keen on the university track everybody wants to put them on. A gap year implies I have plans for the future that include university.

“Hey, Ellie!” Jack shouts as he jogs over to where we are. “I bet you aced it, didn’t you?”

“You didn’t come here to humblebrag, did you?” she groans.

He slings his arm around her and pulls her closer, giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

“You know you love me. Or, if you don’t know it, you will by the time prom is over.” He gives her a cheeky-looking grin, and it makes me laugh.

“I didn’t know you two finally got together,” I say.

Ellie shakes her head. “We’re going to prom. As friends. You can join up with us if you like,” she offers.

“I’m not going,” I reply. Prom is tonight. All the exams are now behind us, and the student committee thought it would be a good way to let our hair down and relax after months of stress and studying.

“Why not?” This comes from Jack, who’s still looking at Ellie like he wants to devour her. He doesn’t care that I’m not going to prom. I know most people wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t there.