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I don’t elaborate, and he doesn’t ask. He probably assumes that I’m too cautious to drink because I’ve seen how my mother acts when she has alcohol. It’s true that I wouldn’t want to fall into the same relationship with alcohol as she has, but it’s more than that. I don’t like the idea of having a drink and being out of full control if a night takes a turn at home. I feel like I need to keep my wits about me all the time. Every little mistake could be dangerous, as proved by the night Duncan grabbed me. I don’t live in an environment where I can be free.
But I know things will change. I can go out with Felix when he’s home, and we can enjoy a few drinks on a night out, look after each other and laugh as we stumble through the streets to our home. I can enjoy the things I should be allowed to enjoy without the fear of somebody like Duncan taking advantage, partly because Felix would never allow me to be harmed, but mostly because Duncan and all my mother’s other shitty boyfriends will be in my rear-view.
“So, tell me about the exam,” Joseph says as he drives.
“Not much to tell. It was pretty standard based on the mock exams and prior papers. I’m glad, because somebody studying maths said their paper was horrific and nothing like the syllabus. Everything on the paper tied to what I’ve been taught.”
“Good. Otherwise, your teachers might get a complex,” he jokes.
“Yep, Mr B will take it personally if I fuck up and fail my exams.” I chuckle.
“He would if he thought it would screw up your university placement.”
“Everybody is hot on the university topic today. I’m not going.”
“Taking a gap year?” he asks. “Nothing wrong with that. One of my best friends took one. Turned into more than one, but she plans to go to university at some point.”
“Nothing wrong with not going in the first place,” I retort.
“It can be a good experience, as well as the additional education,” he replies.
“It could saddle me with a mountain of student debt that I might never get out from under.”
“It could get you out of your house,” he says in a soft tone.
“I told you. I’m going to live with Felix.”
He glances at me and gives me a quick smile. “You haven’t told me that before.”
“I thought I had.” I’m surprised. I didn’t think there was much I haven’t told Joseph. I’m fairly sure he knows as much about me as Felix does.
“No, but it’s nice to know you trust me with your secrets and thoughts.”
“It’s hardly a secret that I’m going to move in with Felix.” I laugh.
“Does your mother know?”
“Nope, but I doubt she’ll even notice. It isn’t like she ever asks where I’ve been. I’ve spent more than half my nights crashing at your house and she’s never asked or commented.”
It’s a sentence that stings a little, even though it’s the truth. As much as I can stand on my own two feet and survive by myself, there’s still an open wound knowing that neither of my parents really want me around. My dad contacts me so infrequently, and my mother may as well curl her lip whenever she does see me.
“Delilah, you know you’re wonderful, right?”
I’m not sure how to respond. I don’t even think I’m capable of forming words. My throat is tight, almost like somebody is gripping me from the inside and refusing to let me speak. He doesn’t push me, though. Instead, I stare out the window and watch the scenery as he drives.
When we arrive at his house, he gets out of the car before I do and walks around to my side, opening my door. I get out and stand in front of him. He gives me a small smile.
“Are your housemates at home? Are they joining us for a non-prom dinner?” I ask.
“Nobody’s home tonight,” he confirms. He steps around me to open the back door to the car, grabbing my bag for me.
“I’m starting to think that you’ve made these housemates up.”
I follow him down the path to the front door, listening to him chuckle.
“They’re real. They’re just not students. They live their own, busy lives,” he explains. He unlocks the front door and pushes it open, letting me step into the house before him.
“So, how come you have housemates who aren’t students?” I ask.
