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"Don't do that." Cassian shifts up onto his good knee and moves himself forward. "Don't blame yourself."

"I'm not. I mean, I am. I just…" Another slow breath and I hastily wipe away a few stray tears. "This is insane. This is beyond insane. I feel like I've fallen into a horror movie. We were so close. So close to helping Illyana, and now I'm not even sure I should because if things go wrong for us and she ends up that bastard's bride⁠—"

"I won't let that happen." Cassian's words are so firm and soft that I almost believe him. "I promised you I would help you and I meant it. Bradley and Valentina will come up with a plan, and I will make sure that they're putting Illyana first."

"A plan," I repeat softly. A deep shudder moves through me and I turn my gaze skyward. "Do you like what you do?"

Cassian shifts beside me and takes my hand in his, gently kneading his thumb into my palm. "My work with the Suit?"

"Yeah."

"I do."

"Why?"

"Well… I suppose it's because it feels like the right thing to do."

"But you're a criminal." I close my eyes and let his voice wash over me.

"Yes. Everyone in this city is a criminal and I think we do good work keeping them in line. The alternative is letting all these monsters run free through the city and resorting back to a time where people were too scared to leave their homes for fear of getting gunned down. I'm not saying it's perfect, but it's better than the alternative."

"Then why not become a cop?" My tears dry quickly in the warmth of the sun, like the rays are caressing away my distress.

"Cops are racist. Or dirty. Or they're fueling their own personal agenda. And when something goes wrong? When an innocent gets shot? They close ranks around one another and recite all these rules that let them get away with it. In our world, you can't hide when you overstep. There are rules of respect but no laws to hide behind. If you fuck up, you get punished. If you overstep, you get punished. Respect is earned, not given just because you attach a piece of metal to your shirt and claim authority over others."

When I open my eyes, Cassian's staring right at me and his lips twitch into a slight smile.

"You have strong feelings about this." I tighten my hand in his.

"I do. I've done a lot of good. I won't deny the bad. Sure, there are victims in any walk of life and none of this is perfect, but the thing I focus on is that we can act. There's no paperwork or lawyer standing in the way. Money talks, yes, but everyone has money. And if something big goes down, then we will be there to make sure the majority walk away."

"Like you and this Popov person. Is that big?"

Cassian's smile fades. "Yes."

I glance down at his injured leg stretched out to the side and my heart squeezes in my chest. "I'm sorry you got hurt. It's my fault."

"Sabina, no⁠—"

"It is," I cut in. "Everything that's happened to you has been because of me."

Cassian shifts closer and abandons my hand in favor of cupping my cheek. "No. What's happened to me is because eleven years ago, you ended up in the hands of a monster. If we really want to place blame, then it lies squarely on their shoulders. Only now, it's more than a little personal because this is the second time they've almost killed me."

I could lose myself in his eyes. The swirls of gold and green sparkle even brighter as the sun darkens the bronze of his skin, and finally a tendril of something nice lights up in my chest.

"When this is all over," he continues gently, his voice almost a whisper, "you can leave and go someplace safe. Someplace where you and Illyana can live and be safe from any kind of harm."

It's a blissful thought and I embrace it for a moment, then my heart skips a beat and I frown. Going away with Illyana would mean leaving Cassian. Given everything he's just told me about the Suit, there's no way he'll leave all of this behind for me.

But I don't want to lose him.

Is it because of how intense things have been for the past few weeks? Or is it because being close has allowed my crush to bloom into something so intense that the thought of never seeing Cassian again sends a cold sensation through my gut as if I'm about to be sick?

I can't decide.

But I don't want to leave him.

As I study his face, the truth warms in my mind, followed by a deep sadness that, regardless of how I feel, I might have to make a choice.