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No matter how I look at it, he's here like this because of me, and nothing I can do or say will ever make up for what he's been through.

Despite the guilt that fizzes in my chest like trapped acid, there's relief too. Relief that he's alive, that I'm alive, and Illyana is with us.

"We did it," I murmur, taking his limp hand in mine and pressing a soft, wet kiss to his knuckles. "We're okay. So I need you to be okay because I love you and I don't want to lose another person I love, okay?"

He doesn't stir. There isn't even a waver in his heartbeat monitor. Everything remains the same, but I'm okay with that. As long as he wakes up.

I need to look him in the eye and thank him properly.

I need him to know the good he's done.

My lips linger on his knuckles, then I turn my head and rest my cheek against the back of his hand while gazing up at him.

"Wake up," I whisper. "Wake up so I can tell you how much I love you. Please wake up."

He doesn't.

I have all the time in the world to wait for him.

No matter how long it takes, I'll be here for him. I'll wait.

That thought warms me and lulls me into sleep as the exhaustion of the day finally catches up with me.

36

CASSIAN

Sabina.

Her smile radiates like the sun as she stares up at me with such love in her eyes. I lean down and her hand comes up, caressing my cheek as I lean closer to kiss her.

Only, our lips don't touch.

She leans away with a laugh that rings in my ears like the tinkle of a bell and she winks at me.

Then I open my eyes.

It's dark. Warmth radiates around my left hand and forearm. Beeping lines up with the thumping sensation in my chest, and my stomach tenses ever so slightly as my eyes adjust to the dark and the opaque glow coming from the machines next to me.

I'm alive?

I'm alive.

Did we do it? I hope we did it.

I blink slowly and remain awake, despite the ache of tiredness around my eyes. Then, like a moth to a flame, something pulls me to look down, and there she is.

Sabina.

She's fast asleep with her face resting on my hand and her back awkwardly bent from the wheelchair she's resting in. It can't be comfortable, but it warms my heart immediately to glimpse the beautiful curves of her face highlighted by the machines around me.

We're alive.

Thank fucking God.

I thought I was dead for sure when that bastard threatened to shoot Bradley. That's the last thing I remember. Hot pain in my leg, a crushing weight on my chest, and then darkness.

Now I'm here.