Page 109
“Well, I’m not gonna leave him out here,” he mutters, sweeping his gaze around my entryway as he steps inside.
His eyes roam over the photos lining the walls—Hannah at school functions, her dance recitals from the past year, trips we’ve taken. There’s a family picture by the doorway to the living room, the one of us from high school with Jenna and my parents, and he lingers on it as he crouches to set the duck down. We watch as it waddles off to God knows where, its webbed toes slapping against the tile.
“How did you know where I live?” I ask, shoving my hands into my pockets to keep from touching him.
With a snort, Xed trails a finger along the wall. “I’ve always known where you live, Matty. You and Hannah.”
“Oh.” The admission throws me, and I don’t know what to do with it other than follow him as he moves further into the house. I don’t want to let him out of sight now that he’s finally here.
He pauses when we enter the living room, glancing around at the single couch and TV stand. “This place is…nice. Emptier than I expected.”
I reach up to tug at my hair with a sigh. “Val furnished the whole house on credit. I had to sell most of everything to pay the custody lawyers.”
“Hm.” He plants his hands on his hips, looking toward the stairs. “Is Hannah here?”
“No, she’s at her mom’s, but I’ll get her tomorrow.”
He nods absently, wandering into the kitchen, and I frown as he starts opening and closing cupboards.
“Is there a reason you’re going through everything?”
His movements falter when he tosses me a look over his shoulder. “Does it bother you?”
“No. What’s mine is yours, Xed. But why are you doing it right now?”
He pauses mid-motion, slowly closing a cabinet door. His shoulders sag, and he drops his head between his arms, leaning on the counter. “I’m just… stalling.”
“Yeah, I know.” Crossing the kitchen in two strides, I place a hand on his arm, gently turning him around. “Talk to me, Ducky. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
He blows out a shaky breath, glancing at the floor before looking back at me. “I saw what you said after your game. About loving me.”
I wait for him to go on, but he doesn’t. The silence stretches between us until I tilt my head nervously. “And?”
“But did you really mean it?“ he murmurs, chewing on his lip.
My breath catches as I grip his arms with both hands. “I meant every single word.”
He swallows hard, searching my face. “So… what does that mean, Matty? For us? What happens now?”
“I don’t know,” I admit honestly, sick of worrying about the future. From the corner of my eye, I see his jaw tighten, and I turn back to him with a steady gaze. “But I can tell you what I want to happen.”
He’s quiet for a moment, his expression unreadable. “Okay.”
“You are, and always have been, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And then Hannah was born, and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have both of you in my life. We were a family, Xed.”
He scoffs. “Yeah, well—"
“Please,” I interrupt, holding his gaze. “Let me finish. I have a lot to say.”
Instead of responding, he simply nods, fists clenching at his sides.
Licking my lips, I drop my gaze as I step back, needing some space. “The truth is… I didn’t hide my feelings for you because I didn’t care or because I didn’t want to be with you. It’s because I didn’t think I could be the man you needed.”
Xed’s brows pull together in confusion, his hand hovering near mine like he’s unsure if he should touch me, but he lets me speak.
“Valerie… she tore me down. Bit by bit, piece by piece, until there was nothing left. She made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Not as a partner, not as a father, and definitely not as a man.”
My voice cracks, and I have to pause, crossing my arms to shield myself.
