Page 55

“I know that. I don’t mean Hannah. I’m talking about us.”

I see his face contort through the dimness, and my mouth opens before slamming shut. What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? Deny it? No, I won’t because it hurt like a bitch the night he stopped what was happening between us. But I get it. I didn’t then, but I do now. He’s got a daughter to raise; she’s his priority. I would never demand anything different. It still stings, though.

“Can I...will you let me hold you?” Matty asks tentatively, opening his arms, and I stiffen slightly.

“Why?”

The question comes out harsher than I meant, and I see him flinch. But it’s valid.

“Please, Xed. No one’s touched me in so long. I just want to feel you.”

Fuck, I should say no. Tell him to go to hell, that this whole mess between us was his idea, and that he just wanted to be friends. But no one’s touched me, either. Especially not the only person I crave physical intimacy from, and here he is offering it up like we haven’t been ghosts moving around each other for two years.

I should say no.

Instead, I scoot toward him, feeling that electric spark skitter across my brain again when he wraps me tightly in his arms like he did downstairs. Skin to skin.

“Shit, I missed this,” he groans, nuzzling a cheek against mine as his hands slide down my back, making me shiver.

Me too, Matty. More than you know.

My palms splay on his chest, feeling hard muscle flex beneath my fingers, his scent making my mouth water. Unwillingly, my cock jerks against his belly button, and I try to pull away immediately.

“Don’t.” His hold on me tightens, my lungs filling with a sharp inhale when I feel his bulge pressing against my thigh. “Don’t go, please. It’s alright.”

“We can’t do this,” I rasp, fighting the urge to press my hips into him.

“Why not? We’ve done it before.”

“Yeah, and then you ended it.” Using all my strength, I push him away, getting some distance as I sit up against the headboard. “Friends don’t do this, remember?”

Following me into a seated position, he clicks on the lamp before turning to me, his eyes so pained that they twist my stomach. “I was wrong. I was so wrong, Ducky, and I’m sorry.”

“Fuck, I thought you stopped with that nickname,” I mutter, glaring at him, and his lips curl into a sad smile.

“Never.”

We gaze at each other for a long moment, searching for something I can’t place. When the silence stretches too long, I glance away with a swallow.

“This isn’t just because you’re horny, is it?”

He throws me a goofy grin. “But I am horny.”

“No shit, asshole. I mean, with me. Is this going to be a one-time thing because you haven’t gotten laid in a while?”

Matty’s grin fades, hurt flashing in his blue eyes as he shakes his head slowly. “I don’t want it to be. Look, I know I didn’t handle everything well before...but I miss my best friend. I miss having the right to touch you. I want to try again. Can we? Please?”

He looks so earnest, so hopeful, and fuck if it doesn’t tug at my dead heart. I could never deny him anything, even if I wanted to. Matty holds the reins, and I’m his to steer.

“Okay,” I whisper, meeting his gaze, surprise flickering across his features briefly.

“Okay.” There’s a pause, pink flooding his cheeks as he licks his lips. “I don’t, uh...really know how to start sexy stuff between guys, so can we go back to cuddling?”

“And you think I do?” Sliding down my pants, I wiggle out of them before pressing up against him once again in my boxers. “Like before, we’ll just go with what feels good.”

“This definitely feels good,” he laughs hoarsely, positioning me so that our cocks align through the material of our clothes. “But can we...can we do this naked?”

My brows jump up as I pull back to look at him. “You want to be naked?”