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“Hey!” I shout after her, getting to my feet. “Salem, get back here.”

“Not cool, Tay,” Christian mutters, disappearing into the dark after the girls.

Just as I’m about to follow, Matty springs out of his chair and cuts me off, grinning wide.

“Every man for himself!” he laughs, bolting in the opposite direction. “Catch me if you can, fuckers!”

“Goddammit.” My feet move before my brain catches up, smashing through the foliage as I take off after him. His scream of delight grates on my nerves, sending fury coursing through my veins.

I’m out here dying, slowly fading into the ether, and he’s fucking playing games.

Matty moves fast, clambering through the woods, and if it weren’t for his big-ass feet, he might’ve actually had a chance. But I know him. Barely a few paces away from the campsite, he trips flat onto his face with a loud oomph, sending dirt flying into the air.

I come to a stop, watching as he rolls onto his back, a big, goofy smile stretched across his face. And it hurts.

Hurts more than anything in the entire world.

“Come lay with me, Ducky,” he whispers, holding his arms open. “Let me hold you.”

My stomach twists violently at how normal he sounds. How casual. Like he didn’t rip my heart out and grind it into dust.

Never in my life have I wanted to hurt my best friend more than I do at this moment.

“Do you actually think,” I spit, my voice dripping with venom, “that I would ever let you touch me again after what you did? That you can fix what you broke with a fucking hug?”

Stepping closer, I glare down at him, my fury building inside me. “God, Matty, you don’t even know how to love someone without destroying them first. Either you care that little for me, or you’re just that fucking stupid.”

Chapter thirty-three

My arms fall heavily to my sides, hitting the ground as I gaze at my best friend in shock, his words slicing through me.

You don’t know how to love anyone without destroying them first.

I try to inhale, but it feels like there’s a weight on my chest, crushing my lungs.

You’re just that fucking stupid.

His voice melds with Valerie’s in my head, screaming the same things at me this morning when I accidentally dropped her coffee mug because she was pissed at me for going on this trip.

You can’t do shit right.

How did they even let you into the NFL?

I hope Hannah takes after me instead of you.

It hurts. It hurts so damn much.

My eyes start to sting as they fill with tears, and I slowly climb to my feet, feeling just as stupid as he said when I pick leaves out of my hair.

“I… shit, I didn’t mean that,” Xed says roughly, taking a step toward me, but I shake my head and back away.

“Yes, you did. I’m a stupid, clumsy idiot.”

“Goddammit, Matty, that’s not what I meant!”

Wiping away my tears, I go to pass him, but he grabs my arm. Spinning me around, his forehead thumps against my chest, a shaky breath shooting from his lungs. I don’t know if it’s the shrooms or my blurred vision, but his mohawk seems to glow in the moonlight slipping through the trees.

“Why?” he growls, his fingers tightening on my wrist. “Why did you do it, Matthew? How could you?”