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Because Hannah needs me.

“I’m sorry.”

Because I’m a weak excuse for a man.

“That’s all you have to say? Seriously?” Stepping back, he folds his arms and glares at me, eyes glowing red, and even though I know I’m tripping, the sight chills me down to my core.

Reaching up to tug on my hair, I glance toward the trees. “What…what else can I say, Xed? What do you want to hear?”

How can I keep my daughter and you, too?

I can’t choose. Please don’t make me choose.

“You’ve said it all, Matthew. I get it.” With a scoff, he marches past me, slapping his phone into my chest. “Here, put something on to watch. Stay at fucking camp, I’m going to go find the others.”

And with that, he’s gone. His warmth dissipates the further he gets, leaving me cold. All I can do is watch him walk away, his name stuck in my throat.

I wish I could call him back, shout after him, wrap my arms around his body, and beg for forgiveness, but I can’t.

I’m pathetic. Just like Val says I am.

Fuck, my lungs ache.

The Colorado air chills my skin now that we’re up higher up, making me wish I had longer sleeves, but the trail ahead winds up through the pines, promising a view that’s worth it.

At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. Who the hell hikes five miles every year just to see some waterfall? Christian, that’s who.

Behind me, the group is scattered along the trail, boots crunching on dirt and gravel. Salem’s chatting with Arya, their laughter echoing through the trees, while Logan complains loudly to Christian about his legs hurting. Taylor and Huck are back at camp doing…whatever they do now. We just finished swimming, and the two disappeared for a suspiciously long time.

Clearly, they don’t hate each other as much as they used to, but… seeing them happy makes me think of my best friend.

Who’s silent.

He’s near the back of the group, his strides deliberately slow, keeping him at a distance. Like he’d rather be anywhere else. He hasn’t looked at me once since we started the hike.

And I don’t blame him.

His words from last night still ring in my ears, sharp and heavy, cutting deeper than I care to admit.

Do you actually think I’d ever let you touch me again?

I shake my head, trying to focus on the trail instead of the knot forming in my stomach.

He said he didn’t mean it. He was just mad. People say things when they’re angry, right? And yet…

He won’t talk to me.

Last night, when we all piled into the tent together, he’d placed himself behind Taylor—and cuddled him. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t piss me off. The fact that he was trying to hurt me on purpose kept my eyes open long after everyone else had fallen asleep.

As the path climbs higher, I stop to catch my breath, studying him from the corner of my eye. He’s got sunglasses on, shoulders tense while he talks with Salem, their heads bent as they whisper back and forth. I can’t hear what they’re saying, and it only makes me feel worse.

“Matty!” Christian’s voice draws me from my thoughts, and I turn to see him smirking at me up ahead. “Come on, homie, you’re slow as fuck!”

I force a grin, ignoring the tightness in my chest. “Alright, alright, I’m coming!”

As I catch up, I glance back at Xed again, hoping for… something. Anything. But he doesn’t even look my way.

It feels like my entire soul is cracking into pieces.