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“Fuck you.” Throwing the sopping wet sponge at his head, I stride toward my room, remembering not to slam my door at the last second. The noise sets him off, and as much as Tay irritates me, I still care about that asshole.

“Love you too,” he sings over the distinct sound of him rustling through the fridge like he doesn’t have his own fucking food at his own fucking apartment.

Heaving a sigh, I flop onto the sheets, causing a wave of Matty’s scent to fill my nostrils. The tears I’d been holding back finally slip free, soaking my pillow when I roll over and sob.

I can still feel him inside me, tearing me open, taking what I never planned on giving to anyone else. Just like my heart. Both parts of me ache for him so fucking bad, I want to scream. My scars itch, burning when I scratch at them, a painful reminder of everything I’m not.

Not perfect, not worth it, not loveable.

Not meant to be.

Chapter forty

The café smells like cinnamon and freshly brewed coffee, but I can’t taste or smell anything over the sick feeling in my gut.

Gripping a warm mug, I glance out the window, watching cars roll by. It’s strange—everything outside looks normal. Like my world hasn’t been flipped upside down for the last few months. Last few years, really. What is normal anymore anyway?

The door chimes, and I know it’s them before I even look. Mom walks in first, her gaze sweeping the doughnut shop until it lands on me. Jenna follows close behind, both of them wearing matching expressions of cautious relief like they’re afraid to celebrate too soon. But I’m not in the mood for celebrating—not when my person isn’t here to do it with.

Mom pulls me into a tight hug before I can say a word, her voice loud. “Halle-fucking-lujah, the nightmare is over!”

“Mom, there are people,” I mumble, meeting an old lady’s angry glance in the booth beside us.

Jenna scoffs, plopping into the seat across from me, her white-blonde hair longer than I remember it a few weeks ago. “Who cares? You fucking won, Matty. Now you can stop moping.”

“Half-won.” Lifting the cup to my lips, I sigh and turn toward the window again.

Yeah, I got joint custody. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it’s better than never seeing Hannah at all. Tyson also got traded to the East Coast because of that video, and even though I know he deserved it, I still feel bad. I knew what Valerie was doing with him, but I just…didn’t care. As long as I had my daughter, I didn’t care, and that’s been my problem.

I thought I was being a good dad. Instead, I was just an idiot.

“Come on, Matthew, smile.” Mom pats my arm, drawing my attention as she orders something super complicated from the server. “Did you tell Xed the good news?”

My heart lurches as I shake my head, gazing down into my mug. “No. We actually haven’t spoken in… months.”

Four, to be exact. Not for lack of trying on my part, but he blocked me. My best friend cut me out of his life like we meant nothing to each other. I’ve been throwing all my focus into winning this custody case and football, but it’s been so hard.

Jenna raises her brows at that, exchanging a glance with our mom. “Really? He hasn’t said anything like that to me. I just texted him yesterday.”

Wow. A spike of jealousy makes me grimace, and I take a swig of my coffee to hide it.

So he can speak to my sister but not me? How is that fair?

Mom slaps her hand on the table, once again pissing off the lady next to us. “Matthew, I’m over this shit between you two. Get it together right this second.”

“Calm down, Ma,” Jenna snorts as our mother throws up her hands.

“Jen, this is serious. I want my Xed back. The new tenants are destroying that townhome. They replaced the wallpaper.”

“Oh, what a shame.” My sister rolls her eyes, and the two bicker while I obsess over what Mom just said.

My Xed. I want my Xed back.

And I do, so fucking bad.

I just want to be a family again.

“Horrible design choices aside,” Jenna continues, addressing me after Mom gives her the finger. “What’s been up with you?”