Page 120
Somehow, without me seeing how it happened, Nikolai has ended up in the middle of the girls’ game.
He’s sitting on a low wooden stool that’s clearly meant for children, knees bent awkwardly because the thing is much too small for him. It should look ridiculous. It does look ridiculous, actually, but only because everything around him is small and bright and covered in glitter.
He doesn’t look embarrassed.
That’s what gets me.
He sits there in his black shirt and dark trousers, sleeves rolled up, tattoos on display, one large hand resting on his knee while the girls move around him with complete confidence. Anya is beside Lily, laughing so hard she has one hand over her mouth. One of the smaller girls is trying to put a paper crown on Nikolai’s head, but he is too tall even while sitting, so Anya has to help her.
“Papa, lower your head.”
Nikolai looks at her. “You are enjoying this too much.”
“Yes.”
He lowers his head. The crown goes on. It’s silver cardboard with little purple stars on it.
I press my lips together.
Lily appears in front of him with a plate of cake and a plastic fork. “You have to eat.”
Nikolai takes the plate from her. “Do I?”
“Yes. It’s my birthday.”
“That’s difficult to argue with.”
He takes a bite of cake. The girls watch him as if his opinion might decide the fate of the entire party.
He chews. Swallows. Then says, very seriously, “Good cake.”
They cheer.
I turn away quickly, but not before my smile escapes. It’s small. I control it almost immediately.
Still, something warm settles low in my stomach before I can stop it.
I take my phone out before I think too much and click one picture. Just one.
Nikolai on the tiny stool, crown slightly crooked, cake plate in one hand, six little girls around him, and Anya looking at him like the whole afternoon has turned perfect because he is there.
The moment the photo is taken, I lower my phone and stare at the screen. It’s a stupid thing to have.
Dangerous, maybe. I keep it anyway.
Then Nikolai looks up. His eyes find me across the room.
My smile disappears. For one second, I wonder if he saw me take the picture.
He gives me nothing. No smile, no frown, no warning. Just that steady look that reminds me he has not forgotten anything.
The warmth in my stomach twists into nerves.
I put my phone away.
When the children are called toward the food table, the girls abandon Nikolai as quickly as they claimed him. Anya runs off with Lily, still laughing, and Nikolai removes the crown from his head before standing. He is so large that the act of getting up from the tiny stool looks like it should require more effort, but he rises smoothly and hands the paper crown to one of the girls without saying a word.
She beams at him as if he has given her jewelry.
