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Ridiculous. All of it is ridiculous. And I still cannot stop looking.

I decide then that I need to speak to him before we leave.

He’s standing near the food table while the staff set out sandwiches, pasta cups, fruit, cupcakes, and juice boxes. He is not eating anymore. The cake plate is gone, the crown is gone, and he is back to looking like a man who has never done anything as ordinary as attend a child’s birthday party.

I walk over before I can lose my nerve.

He sees me coming and doesn’t move.

“Nikolai,” I say quietly.

“Elara.” His voice is polite.

“Can we talk for a minute?”

“No.” The answer comes immediately.

I stop. “No?”

“No.”

“I just want to apologize.”

“You already apologized,” he says.

“Not properly.”

“This is not the place.”

“I know, but I don’t want to wait until we get back.”

His eyes stay on mine. “You don’t decide when this conversation happens because waiting is uncomfortable for you.”

My face heats. “That’s not what I meant.”

“It’s what you are doing.”

“I’m trying to explain.”

“I understand what happened.”

“You understand what I did. You don’t understand why.”

“That’s not as important as you think.”

I stare at him. “It’s important to me.”

“Then keep it for yourself until I ask.” The words are quiet, but they cut through me anyway.

I glance toward the children, mostly because I need a second before I answer. Anya is sitting beside Lily with frosting on her nose, laughing over something another girl has said. She looks happy. Really happy.

“I know I lied,” I say, lowering my voice even more. “I know I shouldn’t have taken her without your permission. But she wanted to come so badly, Nikolai. She has been trying not to show it all week.”

“And you decided that was enough.”

“No.”

“Yes,” he says. “You decided my answer mattered less than what you wanted for her.”