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Love. There’s that pesky four-letter word again. I stiffen beneath her, suddenly feeling like this sofa is too small and this room doesn’t have enough air inside of it.

“Sunshine?” she asks, raising her head to look up at me.

God, those damn eyes. Why do they have to be so fucking blue? I could drown inside of them. In fact, I hope that I do. Right now, precisely.

“You okay? Something feels wrong.”

“I’m fine,” I bark.

The harshness of my tone registers, and I loosen my grip around her. My mind is trying to destroy everything good in my life, as usual. She doesn’t deserve that. She deserves to have someone who can give her everything without all the damaged baggage.

“Okay, then,” she says, laying her head back down against my chest.

Part of me wants to push until she runs for the hills. The other part of me wants to carve my name into her skin and never allow her to forget me. Because the truth is, Lydia Aston will leave me. Everyone leaves. Why would she be any different?

It’s hard to tell if these thoughts are true or only an inner spiral of whatever the fuck the frequency did to me that day in the storage unit.

“I’m sorry,” I say, choosing an entirely different route. “I have to meet with Malakai today, and I’d much rather stay here with you.”

It’s not a lie. I do have a thing with Kai. Riven texted earlier and asked if I could bring Kai to this retreat thing. Riven’s swamped with plans for the new healing studio he wants to open. I’m more than happy to help in any way that I can. Riven has been through hell and back, and he deserves to be happy and have something that is entirely his own.

“Oh?” she asks, lifting her head to peer up at me.

“Yeah, I’m gonna drop him off at a retreat for the weekend. Riven wanted me to make sure he gets settled in and doesn’t try to … you know, snort his way into oblivion again,” I say, keeping the substance abuse talk to a careful minimum.

“Ah, yeah,” she says. “Sloane told me about Kai’s past. Addiction is a tricky cycle to break. I hope that Kai can get the help he needs. What kind of retreat is it?”

“I don’t know,” I say. “Riven said something about healing. Probably one of those hippie places where they sit around the fire cross-legged and bare their soul to a group of like-minded strangers. Nothing screams ‘well-adjusted’ like paying someone to tell you how to breathe.”

“Ouch,” she says, moving to a sitting position on the sofa beside me.

“What?” I ask. “I’m sure the lovely retreat people mean well, but they aren’t going to fix decades of bad decisions.”

“Callum,” she says, slapping my chest playfully. “You never know, this might be what Kai needs. Community can be a powerful thing, and so can belief. Let’s stay positive about this. Kai needs all of you on his team.”

She’s so right. Why does she always have to be right?

“Okay, yeah.” I sigh. “You’re right. Kai needs us to be positive. I told Riven that I’d be there for Kai, and I will be. I’ll do better. I promise.” I pause, a thought suddenly occurring to me. “Come with me.”

“C-Come with you?” she asks, tilting her head in confusion. “Callum, I don’t want to intrude. Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I say without hesitation. “I want you to come with me. I want you to know my friends, my brothers. Well, all but one.” The last part is more of a mumble, one I wish I hadn’t said out loud.

“You don’t think that Kai would maybe not want me to know this part of him?” she asks. “Wait, what do you mean, all but one?” Why did she have to catch that last part?

“I don’t give a fuck what Kai wants,” I start, running a hand over the back of my neck when I realize my words. “Shit, no. What I mean is, you’re mine now, and that means you’re as much a part of all this as Kai is. So, yes, I want you to come. I want to introduce you as my, well, my—”

Shit, why the fuck won’t my brain allow the word to come out of my goddamn mouth? She makes me feel like I’m twelve years old again with a crush.

“Are you trying to ask me to be your girlfriend, sunshine?” she asks, giggling. Ah, that sound. It makes everything wrong feel right again, if only for a fleeting moment.

“Yeah,” I say nervously. “Yeah, I am. Will you be my girlfriend, Lydia Aston?”

Asking Lydia to be my girlfriend as a grown-ass thirty-four-year-old man makes me feel every bit as ridiculous as I imagined it would. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it also makes me feel more alive than I have in a long time. It makes me suddenly wish for a future that I never thought I’d have—one that I never felt like I deserved after Kaila.

“Yes, of course I’ll be your girlfriend, Callum Thorne,” she exclaims, hopping into my lap and wrapping her arms around my neck.

She leans forward and kisses me softly, tenderly. It’s almost as if she feels the specific emotions that I feel for her. I want to tell her right now, but I can’t. The words are caught behind my lips, suffocated by an anxiety that’s years in the making. I won’t tell her because I won’t burden her with it. Or at least, that’s what I’m telling myself for now.