Page 156
— ¤ —
I leave Björn and Finni, confident that whatever weird thing is going on between Cil and me would be over soon. But the longer I take to find Cillian, the more restless I become.
I feel like I did back when I was six, and I got lost in a market. I remember running around and seeing nothing but strangers, wondering if I would ever see my family again.
And just like that day, I feel confused and overwhelmed, with a pit in my stomach that keeps consuming me.
“Crap…” I hiss, realizing how fucked I am, because by now, I don’t want to see Cillian.
I need to see Cillian.
I need to talk to him.
To touch him and be next to him because breathing his air is the only way I can breathe.
Fuck…
Get it together, Knox.
And I do.
I search every inch of this damn island. Terrace after terrace, gallery after gallery, but wherever I go, I can’t find him.
And of course, asking Alexios to pinpoint his location is a huge no-no right now.
Then my brain decides I’m not already fucking stressed enough and throws me a curveball… because after being so focused on finding him, I forgot to think about what the hell I’m going to tell him once I do.
What can I even say to him? “Hey, Cil, stop looking at me like I just broke your heart, and let’s be—”
Be what?
Lovers?
No… I can’t give him false hope.
Friends?
Absolutely not.
Still, what other option is there?
I can’t be with him, no matter how badly my chest aches at the thought of walking away.
I can’t offer him a future.
Because if I choose him, my family would hate me.
Fuck, it would destroy them.
And just when I was about to end my search and learn to let Cillian go, I turn the corner toward a lower garden, and my breath catches in my throat.
There he is… Cillian with fucking Aurelio.
As always, Aurelio is being pushy and disgusting, sliding his tiny, grabby hand around Cillian’s hip, probably calling him sweetie or muffin.
Ugh, I hate how those words sound.
I walk closer and see him pulling Cil, his fingers sprawling to cover more space as he presses him against his side.
