Page 24

Heat slowly crept through me . I made a mental note to cuss Judah out later for putting her in my business in the first place. I hated being backed into a corner.

“What you want me to do? Walk around crying, barely able to go on with my day?”

“Calm down,” she replied gently, releasing some of the tension in her frown. “I didn’t say that. You don’t have to be heartbroken or put on a show. But I would like for you to acknowledge that it at least bothers you. Your father⁠—”

“Did you come over here to talk to me, or have a bashing session about Pop? I’m the wrong kid for that. You should have stopped by Judah’s.”

“I’m a mother who’s concerned about her emotionally unavailable son. And to address that, is to acknowledge the man who played a part in it. While also taking responsibility for my own.”

“Okay, Kinsley,” I muttered, reeling from her accusing me of being emotionally unavailable.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” I replied quickly. “It doesn’t matter. Now’s not a good time and I’m not in the mood to talk.”

As quickly as she sat up, you would have thought I called her out of her name.

“I don’t care what you’re in the mood for, James Luck. I’m your mother. You won’t dismiss me like I’m one of these little girls running around here vying for your attention.”

“Ma—”

“Ma, my ass. I understand that you might be resistant to discuss things and that’s fair. It’s fresh. I only want you to accept and understand that it’s perfectly fine for you not to be okay. That’s all.”

“And I want y’all to understand that there’s nothing wrong with me being okay. Break-ups happen. It’s a part of life. If you came over here looking for me to be buried up under a cover with some sad movie playing then I’m sorry to disappoint you. It’s not happening.”

“Why not?” she challenged. “Because men don’t cry? Or because showing emotion over a woman walking out of your life doesn’t make a man tough?”

Biting back my quick response, I chuckled to try and keep hold on my temper. I remembered my dad dropping that exact same line after she walked out on him. What I needed them both to understand was my relationship wasn’t a reflection of theirs or an opportunity to correct their mistakes.

“I feel like you’re projecting whatever happened with you and Pop on me.”

“Jamie,” this time, her tone was gentle. “Your father and I are just that, your father and me. My concern is strictly for you, and the things I see as you continue to grow older. I’m not sure if you realize it, my love, but you are turning into a miniature version of your father. It’s who he raised you to be. Not everything follows his blueprint, but you suppress a lot of yourself to make him happy. You stray away from anything you fear he may disapprove of, and whether you want to admit it or not, that includes your brooding nature.”

“That’s Judah talking,” I accused. “I don’t do a damn thing for Pop’s approval. I do it to keep the peace and so he doesn’t lose one of the few people he has left.”

“And what are you losing in the process, Jamie?” Her eyes were full of concern as she placed a hand on my knee. “When your father is gone, and the day comes when you no longer have to chip away at yourself to keep the peace, what will you have left of yourself?”

I couldn’t lie, that question had a nigga stuck.

“That’s all I want you to think about, okay? You do so very well for yourself and I’m proud of the young man that I raised. But, sometimes, I fear that you just exist, son. Landscaping pays the bills, but music? That’s what speaks to your soul. I know you love that damn store more than your brother does, but you let him be the face. Why?”

Shooting her a skeptical look, I replied, “We both know why.”

“And that’s exactly what I’m talking about.” Patting my knee, she sat back. “You’ve spent enough of your life appeasing your father. It’s time for you to get to know you. The adult version of you. This life is yours and yours only to live, son. Do it with reckless abandon before you look back with nothing but regret.”

She was hitting too many points for me to try and keep up. It was the last thing I needed on top of everything that was already going on.

“I thought you supposedly came over here to talk about Kinsley? All I’m hearing is you talking about Pop.”

My mom shrugged. “They intertwine. At least, the way you’re handling your break-up spills over into your relationship with him. And as much as I liked Kinsley, this was probably for the best. You can’t fully love someone else until you fully love yourself first.”

“I do love myself, Ma.”

“You have to first know and accept yourself before you can love yourself, baby boy,” she shot me a gentle smile. “But okay, enough of the heavy stuff. What do you have to eat in here? I skipped out on breakfast.”

“Nothing that doesn’t need to be cooked,” I replied absently as she pulled herself up from the couch.

“Well, thankfully, I know my way around a kitchen.”