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“Lead the way,” Jamie suggested, moving his cart out of the way.
Shopping with the two of them gave me the giddiness of a child. Together, Jamie and Judah had such playful auras that bounced off of one another. You couldn’t seem to help having a good time with them.
“If you two don’t quit, you’re going to get us kicked out!” I attempted to stifle my laughter behind my hand. Grabbing groceries had turned into being ducked off on an aisle, watching them play a modified version of basketball while tossing items into the cart.
“This is the last shot,” Jamie said, juggling a bag of frozen corn.
He tossed it up, and into the basket with precision.
“And that’s how you do that shit,” he boasted, taunting his brother.
“Niggas get around their girl and start to act brand new,” Jude teased.
A light brush crept onto my cheeks as I cleared my throat. “I’m not—um, we—”
Judah gave me a reassuring smirk. “Relax, I’m just fucking with him.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I nodded. I wasn’t sure why the idea of being something beyond friends with Jamie brought me such anxiety. But I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong impression or to give him the idea that I wanted more than what we’d established.
After getting the rest of the items we needed, the guys loaded everything into their car and followed me back to my place. While Raelynn got started on the food, I went digging through my bedroom to try and find the few games I had stashed around.
Reaching under my bed, I was surprised when my fingers came in contact with the spiral binding of a notebook. Sliding it from beneath the bed, I gasped.
“There you are!”
A flood of emotions hit me at the discovery of the book full of current poetry pieces. The book I’d been devastated to think was lost. It’d been the only thing keeping me going through the past few months.
Flipping it open, my eyes watered at the very first line I brought myself to write after the fiasco with Shane.
Worth. Dignity. Trust. Love.
They were the things he’d managed to snatch away from me in the blink of an eye. Things that I still hadn’t fully taken back.
“Nyx, Raelynn said do you have—what’s wrong?” Jamie’s tone went from lighthearted to demanding as he appeared in the doorway of my bedroom.
“Nothing,” I replied quickly, flipping the notebook closed. “What does Rae need?”
Studying me for a moment, Jamie hesitantly asked, “Can I come in?”
I nodded, granting him access before I could register what I was doing.
Stalking forward until he was just across from me, he sank, tangling his long legs along the way. Once he was comfortable, he reached over, brushing a tear from my cheek with his thumb.
The feel of his skin against mine was comforting. Instinctively, I nuzzled my cheek against his hand, craving more of that feeling.
“What’s wrong, Nyx?” he asked again.
“It’s nothing, really. Just a blast from the past.”
“Can I?” Jamie pointed toward the notebook resting on my lap.
I hastily shook my head. “Not yet. It’s still fresh.”
Wrapping his hands around each of my ankles, Jamie squeezed gently. “Whatever you’re feeling right now, embrace it. Let it work its way through, and then pass. Shit can only have power over you if you let it sit and weigh on you.”
Closing my eyes, I exhaled slowly. A flux of emotions fought for me to release them. I didn’t want to let them win. I couldn’t let them win. To do so would mean I wasn’t as healed as I wanted to be from the things Shane had done.
It meant that, in a way, he was still somewhat present in my life.
