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Obliging, I did as he asked. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his strong arms around me, resting his chin on my head.

“Let me tell you something. Never give a thought to how anyone else feels about the way you’ve processed your trauma. You’ve been through a lot, Nyx. At the hands of someone who claimed they loved you. You have every right to be angry, sad, and bitter. You deserve days where you don’t want to get out of bed because facing the world is too much. And you’re allowed to be a fuckin’ mess.”

“I hate that I allowed him and this situation to turn me into such a bitter person,” I murmured, enjoying the comfort and warmth radiating from him.

“It’s life, Love. We have highs, and we have lows. This time was one of your lows, but it’s going to make your comeback even greater. I just want you to know that regardless of you being a mess, you deserve to be loved too. You don’t have to be a perfect picture for someone to admire you, Nyx.”

“I just don’t trust anyone’s motives. Not after getting it so wrong the last time around.”

“Life is about trial and error, baby girl,” he gently gripped the back of my neck. “You’re not going to always get it right. But the beauty in the lesson is that it sets you up to get where you’re supposed to be.”

“I don’t see how that logic applies to this situation,” I told him, truthfully.

“Well, looking back on it. If you’d never found out about his wife, y’all might still be together, right?”

“Maybe,” I confirmed, begrudgingly.

“So you’d be in a relationship with a man, possibly having a child with him without knowing he already had a wife and child,” he pointed out. “And if that were the case, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

My next words slipped out of my mouth so quickly, it was nearly impossible for me to catch them. “And where is here, Jamie?”

His breathing slowed, and silence fell between us as I impatiently awaited his answer.

“I don’t know, Nyx. Where is here to you?”

“Don’t do that. I asked you first, and I don’t mean that in a childish way.”

“So, what way are you asking?”

Frustration coursed through me as I decided to change the subject. I wasn’t interested in being on a merry-go-round. “Never mind. Just forget it.”

“No, no, no,” gripping my upper arm, he pulled me back to him. “I’m not going to forget it, and I’m not trying to be funny. I’m only asking so I know the best way to answer your question.”

“For once, quit being so calculated about everything and just say what you feel,” I urged.

Jamie grew quiet again, eyes low, almost unfocused, as I peered at him, awaiting an answer.

“If you want me to be as honest as I possibly can, I don’t know, Nyx. I’ve never experienced it before. I’m enjoying the friendship that we’ve been building. But somewhere along the line, things started to feel as if it’s more than that.”

Relief washed through me. It was such a reassuring feeling to know I wasn’t alone on this roller coaster.

“I agree,” I murmured. “I don’t know when things changed for me, and I also don’t want to try and put a definition to whatever this is. We’ve both been through a lot, and I’m just now beginning to crawl out of my bitter stage. I don’t want to try to do too much too soon and have everything crumble.”

“I get it,” Jamie agreed. “I’m still working through a few things myself, mainly trying to sort out who I am. I want to get out of the shadow of being who I’m expected to be and maneuver shit on my own. It ain’t easy, and I don’t want you to end up being the target of my frustration throughout this process. But I like being around you.”

“Even when you think I’m being mean?” I teased, placing my hand on his chest.

“Especially when you’re being mean,” he chortled. “It’s one of my favorite things about you. You ain’t got no problems telling niggas to get the fuck out of your face.”

“Oh, so you’re just a fan for your own selfish reasons?” I snickered.

“Partially,” he admitted. “But your fire is admirable. The way you refuse to allow anybody to cross you shows just how much you value yourself. It’s something sexy ‘bout it.”

“Alright, we’re going to have to work our way up to you saying things like sexy because right now, it’s weird.”

“You’re weird,” he accused, tapping me upside the head.

“Maybe,” I conceded, before melodically adding, “But you like me though.”