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“What’s that?”
“I told Jamie about everything regarding Shane,” I paused, releasing a deep breath. “And I do mean, everything.”
“Oh shit,” she inhaled sharply, brushing her hair out of her face. “How’d that go? How do you feel?”
“You’re about the only person who knows how much I buried any thoughts about motherhood or what should’ve, could’ve, would’ve been. It all felt like too much, and I damn sure blamed myself for losing that opportunity.”
“Which I’ve expressed to you that I hate. You have no idea what life would look like for you right now had you shared a child with that man. And there’s no telling how his nutty-ass wife would have reacted. The psychopath probably would have tried to put a hit out on you.”
“Girl, I wouldn’t put it past that looney toon. But, now that things are back to the forefront of my mind, I find myself feeling guilty for feeling almost relieved that the pregnancy ended, especially after seeing Shane for who he really is.”
“I can’t speak from experience but I will give my opinion. Having first-hand seen the type of evil Shane is capable of, I don’t think it makes you a monster to be glad not to have ties to him. You aren’t happy about the loss, but you can damn well feel relieved about it. You’re human. Anyone who says otherwise can kiss your ass.”
Experiencing a miscarriage was a very tricky situation, and although I had no plans to flash dance in the middle of the street to celebrate having one, it was nice to know I didn’t have to suffer from guilt about freely moving on with my life.
“Besides, you never know. My new bestie-in-law might knock you up. That’s a man worth having a baby for.”
“I swear, I have no idea how I put up with you after all these years.”
“Because you love me, and I’m one of the only people strong enough to put up with you,” she countered, just as there was a knock at my door.
“Touché,” I conceded, trekking to pull it open. “Hey, you.”
“Hey, girly,” Ximena gave a cheerful greeting, hugging me before stepping inside, and looking around. “Your place is nice.”
“Thank you, thank you. You can wash your hands in the hallway bathroom. I have everything set up for the night in the living room.”
“Oooooh, okay professional,” she joked, heading into the bathroom. She joined Rae and me in the living room a short while later. “Raelynn, this is Ximena. Mena, this is my best friend, Rae.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Mena waved.
And to my surprise, Rae played nice and waved back. “It’s nice to meet you too.”
“Okay,” Mena slapped her hands to her thighs. “So, what’s the plan?”
“Well, I think it’s safe to say you both know I’ve struggled with shying away from poetry lately. The girls I met at the bar after doing my spoken word, and I have been chatting recently about building an online community for creatives and feeling that out before moving it to a physical space.”
“That’s dope, Nyx,” Rae grinned. “So basically, you’re going back to the plan you had before everything went downhill?”
“With a few tweaks, yes. This time I won’t be doing it alone, and obviously, I won’t be leasing a building, but it’s a step in the right direction.”
“And a step toward getting back in touch with yourself and what you love to do,” Mena clasped her hands excitedly. “I’m here for all of this.”
“Me too,” Rae agreed. “Have you told Jamie?”
“I have, and he’s all for it. Not that I expected anything different.”
“The way you two are tapping into your creative selves since bumping into each other completely restores my faith in romance. It’s giving Mahogany.”
“With a sprinkle of Tubi,” Raelynn interjected. “Nyx can be a little ghetto sometimes.”
“Rae, don’t get put out of my house,” I fussed as Ximena laughed.
“Well, I don’t know exactly what’s going on my vision board since I’m the furthest thing from creative.”
“You don’t have to be,” I assured her. “Just take a second to think about what you want in life and how you want to manifest it.”
“Money, and a man. Give me the magazines with the hundred-dollar bills and a picture of Idris Elba, and I’ll be straight.”
