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“It’s fine, really. This is not the first time I’m navigating through loss. I’m old hat.” I tried to brush it off, my knee thumping up and down nervously thinking back to those awful sessions I’d had with the child psychologist after my mom died. All I did was cry. It felt like my world was spinning out of control and I wanted answers that they couldn’t give me. So what was the point?
“All the more reason to talk to someone,” Anderson insisted.
“It’s fine.”
“No, you misunderstand. It’s not a suggestion. It’s an order. If you want to get back up there. You’re going to need to see someone. Regularly.”
“I . . .” I started to protest but then thought about the promise I’d made to Diana. I promised to try for her, and if this is what it took then so be it. “All right.”
“Good. Now I’m a man short for the air patrol mission tomorrow. Do you think you’re up to it?”
“Tomorrow?” October 21. Maybe this was it. The final test. I couldn’t stop the world on October 21 as much as I’d love to. I wanted to curl up in bed with Diana, have her naked body nestled up to mine, to hold her, feel her breath tickle that space behind my ear.
Then I thought of her reaction if I told her I’d turn down the chance to make things right with my superior because I believed in a curse that my twelve-year old self overheard. It made me feel weak and foolish and like a child. I wanted her to see me as a strong man capable of taking care of her.
Besides if something were to happen tomorrow, it should be me that it happened to. “You can count on me, sir.”
“Good, now go check in with Warrick for the details.”
I spent the morning looking over my plane and getting briefed on recent missions. We had lunch with the Bulgarian pilots, and to my surprise, I even found myself joking around with them.
After lunch, I called Indy to tell her to pick me up at six. She didn’t answer right away, which was weird, and I tried to shake off the feeling that she was hiding something from me. I left her a message, and sure enough, she was waiting for me at the gate when I got off. She again had that weird expression on her face.
“What were you up to today?” I asked.
“I wrote to Marcangeli. He’s thrilled about the discovery. I got another call from a journalist at Archaeology Today.”
“Amazing, Indy.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“So want me to make you dinner? You can be my dessert?” I waggled my eyebrows at her.
“No, I should get back home.” She didn’t say more and I didn’t want to press her. The idea of not having her around tonight and tomorrow had flipped on my internal panic button. “I’ll drive you home.”
“No!” she cried. “I’ll take a cab.”
“Indy.” I grabbed her hand. “I need you to promise me that you won’t do anything tomorrow. Stay at home. Read, watch some trashy reality TV shows. I’ll call you when I get back and if you still don’t want to see me then I won’t come over.”
“Oh god, Levi, this is so silly.”
“Please, Indy.” She stared into my eyes and nodded. “If you’re not letting me drive you home, you take Francine. Call me as soon as you get in?”
She nodded and took off. I paced around my place cleaning until she called me to let me know that she’d gotten home. I tried to breathe easier, but I had a weird feeling that something was up.
Chapter 35
Diana
Have a good flight today! Thinking of you . . .
My fingers hovered over the keys on my phone, wanting to write the words but still unable to: I love you.
Why couldn’t I tell him?
I’d almost told him yesterday, but I’d stopped myself. What if he didn’t say it back? Or what if he did say it, but only because he felt obligated? I flung myself back on my pillow with a deep sigh.
Hanging around with Ashleigh yesterday was the worst decision I could have made. I’d even let her sleep in my bed! As if it wasn’t enough that she’d complained to me all day about her creepy husband, she’d gone on and on about her life in Savannah, how great it was, and how heartbroken she was because she’d have to leave it all behind.
