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“How so?”

“Well, you’d been talking about this boy. And all I could think was that he sounded like such a dork—that name! And he was a space nerd! No offense, but you always had a thing for awkward, intellectual weirdos. So I listened and gave you advice just to humor you, not realizing that he was destined to fall in love with me!” She had a faraway expression on her face. “When our eyes met that first time . . . well, you just know, don’t you?”

“You certainly didn’t.” I scoffed and threw the knife into the sink. “If you knew you were supposed to be with him, why’d you leave him for Carlton?”

Her lip started to tremble, and she buried her face in her hands. “God, Deedee, why do you have to throw it in my face? The worst decision I ever made!”

I couldn’t take any more of her crying. The vast tide of her narcissism was threatening to pull me under. I knew I had promised Levi that I would stay put, but I needed air. “I’m going for a walk.”

***

An hour later, I was ready to come clean. Tell Ashleigh about my feelings for Levi, tell him that she was here. I couldn’t run from it anymore. Eventually we’d have to face the truth. Better now than later when I’d had time to fall even more deeply in love with him.

However, when I got back from my walk, Sabrina was sitting on the couch. “Hey D, how are you feeling?”

I sighed and sat down next to her, lowered my head into her lap so she could stroke my messy hair. “Oh, you know. The usual. Like I’ve lost a limb. But also like he’s given me this incredible gift this year.”

“He really has,” she agreed.

“So . . . where were you last night?” I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

“You’re never going to let me live this down.” She pushed me off her lap and started tickling me. “I know how to get my revenge though!”

I squealed and jumped away, and she started chasing me around the room with her nails out like claws. Surprised that all the commotion hadn’t disturbed Ash, I asked, “Have you seen Ashleigh?”

“She was getting into a cab when I got here.”

“A cab?” The hair on the back of my neck stood up. “Did she say where she was going?”

“I didn’t ask. Not back to the airport because her suitcase is still here.”

I closed my eyes. I knew where she’d gone. She was going to try to take him from me again. The question was, should I break my promise to Levi to go after her?

“D, wait!” Sabrina cried as I raced through the door. “I promised Levi I wouldn’t let you go anywhere.”

I shook her off and ran to Francine, praying that I’d get there first.

Chapter 36

Levi

Ihad a ritual on October 21: Before getting out of bed, I closed my eyes, imagining I was floating through a big white cloud, and then there they were. My dad, my mom, and Josh.

First, I’d visit my dad. Since I’d never known him and had only seen him in photos and a couple old videos, I used what others had told me about him as inspiration. In my mind, he was always behind the wheel of Francine, blaring Guns N’ Roses, doing his best Axl Rose impression and sailing through the sugar-beet fields near home. Then I’d imagine my mom, happy and dancing, graceful as a swan in our dance studio. She’d spin me around until I was dizzy. Until it felt like flying.

Finally, I’d spend time with Josh. Sometimes we’d fish at Quail Lake, jumping in the water, screaming, splashing when one of us caught something, which was rare. Sometimes we’d build rockets at space camp, or cruise around in Francine looking for girls on a hot summer night.

This morning, however, I didn’t have much time to think about them because I was due on base at eight a.m. sharp for the operations brief. But before leaving, I made sure to grab the meteorite off my shelf and stick it in my pocket. This was another of my superstitions. I always took it with me when I flew as a sort of talisman. I’d say a little prayer and think about the person that had the other half.

I’d rarely flown on October 21. Not because I avoided it—at least not on purpose—but it’d just never worked out that way. The first time, two years after Josh’s death, I was still pissed off. Whatever force had decided to take Josh instead of me had made the wrong choice and I was ready to go. I thought if I pulled enough Gs I’d find some glitch in time where I’d go back and be taken instead. Hadn’t worked for me, and it was the first time I’d been reprimanded by my CO.

After that it became a game, daring the universe to take me. Today, though, I had no interest in testing fate. I wanted to come back to Indy tonight and hold her in my arms.

My anxiety was high when Gonzo and I arrived at the base. But once I’d gone through the ops briefing, suited up, and then did my final walkaround of my jet, the familiarity of it all calmed me. And as soon I flipped on the afterburners, I forgot all about curses and bad stars. There was that exhilaration again, like gasoline in my veins. The mountains rushing past, the sound of my breath through my mask reminding me that I was alive. I was no longer on autopilot—pun totally intended. Every move I made was intentional. I hadn’t felt this in control of my body, mind, and plane in a long time. In perfect synchronicity with my wingman, we cut through the sky, like silent arrows.

I looked down at the instruments, then out across the pale horizon. There’d been reports of suspicious air traffic activity in the Balkans. This time, I was determined to focus and keep my cool.

“First sortie back, Jazz. How does it feel?” Barbarella’s voice came over the radio as her jet came parallel to mine.