Page 56

The Journal

July 2001

Summer had arrived with ease. The coldness of Kane’s departure had sloughed off of my shoulders well into the sweltering July heat and had re-branded itself in the new warmth of Ash. I’d distanced myself from the embarrassing act of chasing someone who couldn’t have bothered to return the action and allowed myself the ability to feel other emotions aside from heartbreak and anger.

June had flown by and with all the blooming fields of daisies that littered the forest floor, I too had grown. A lot had changed within a month. Ash Valen, the resident trouble maker had wormed his way into my heart. He was spunky, spontaneous and attractive.

But I see-sawed between guilt and excitement.

On one side was Kane, a cold Luciferian human and on the other side was Ash, cheeky smile, seraphic and all the effort I’d never received in return. And there I was in the middle burdened with animosity and potential for love.

That upcoming year was our senior year, my senior year and I was determined to make the most of it. On this particular night there was a bonfire set against the icy cold shore along Devil’s Valley. Along this valley’s stream was a small gravel clearing before the forest. It was a new unexplored part of town I’d never visited before that night and I was sitting on the bed of Ash’s truck peering up at the disappearing sun.

The triangular edges of the pines jutted into the sky and created a serene atmosphere. I couldn’t help the sigh that escaped my lips. Ash who’d been sitting next to me gave me a sidelong glance.

“Beautiful huh?” I asked him.

“Yeah…beautiful,” he replied, still staring at me.

I smacked him playfully in the shoulder. He laughed, a decadent laugh that made me smile in return. I was happy he was back from the short-lived stint at military school. I had asked him many questions, but he remained silent on the issue, leaving me to my wonder.

He leaned back, positioning himself beside me, one hand behind his head.

The soft sounds of the stream lulled us into comfortable silence. This was a night that had set many things into motion.

“I should probably be setting up the party, shouldn’t I?” He glanced over at me.

A laugh slipped from my mouth. Then I said, “Go ahead lazy bones, it’s your party.”

He pulled himself up then jumped from the bed of the truck, disappearing somewhere behind me.

With Kane gone, it’d felt like a fog had cleared. I no longer felt the weight of his proximity, and while I still thought about him, I divulged in the present without spending too much time in the thoughts of the past or future.

Ash’s clumsy shout startled me from my thoughts just as the last rays of sun disappeared behind the outline of trees. The indigo sky took over and drenched the river bank in the darkness we’d been waiting for all day.

“Hey little bird, ready to be the best hostess ever?” He stretched a hand out to pull me up, which I gladly took. Earlier, he’d decorated the clearing with lights strewn haphazardly across the trees, buckets of stolen beer and kindling in the bonfire, which was slowly coming to life.

“Ready.” I smiled.

Behind us, headlights filtered through the rugged trail before wheels noisily skidded to a halt. Lucas, Chloe and Adrienne all trailed out of Lucas’s truck, the promise of a wild night written across their features. Adrienne and I had become friends after the whole mean girl moment. Forgive and forget. She apologized for the Kane incident and we’d moved past it, she was even a part of the few people I allowed to visit the house.

I greeted the girls with hugs. Lucas and Ash pulled out a large red cooler of drinks filled to the brim with ice and chucked it onto the gravel embankment.

“Get your drinks girls.” Ash smirked as he pulled a beer from the ice and threw one my way. The cool condensation of the can splattered across my chest and down my tank top.

“Ash!” I exclaimed.

He did the same to Adrienne and Chloe who all shrieked in return. The moment felt free from pressure, free from all the expectations I’d set for myself. I thought of the girl I was during the months before this night and guzzled the bitter liquid down my throat. Like my mother always said, anything not to feel.

“To summer,” Ash added, after everyone downed half of their drink.

The unbidden thought of Kane flashed across my mind then. What was he up to? Did he make new friends?

I should have known he was bad news when I met him.

And wasn’t Ash bad news? I questioned myself. Ash with the tattoos, ear piercings, a mouth full of curses and no parental supervision.

Kane. Did he miss me? Did he ever miss me? Does he know the way he affected me? Or even thought about his actions?