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I couldn’t just pretend it hadn’t happened. I was still in love with him. I burst out in tears again.

“Pumpkin.” My dad looked like he was in pain as he watched me cry. It reminded me of how Jacob had looked when he broke up with me. And that just made me more confused.

He pulled into the parking garage beneath our apartment building and quickly climbed out of the car. He opened up the door and pulled me into his arms again. “Come on.” He put his arm around my shoulders as we walked toward the elevators. “What movie do you want to watch? Harry Potter?”

Harry Potter reminded me of my couples costume with Jacob. A couples costume we’d never get to wear now. And I guess I was a sucker for punishment, because I nodded my head.

My dad grabbed us some snacks and sat down next to me on the couch.

But I wasn’t hungry. I curled into his side and he put his arm around me. I wasn’t sure where my mom was. Or Ellen. But I was happy that it was just the two of us so I wouldn’t have to explain what had happened to anyone else. Besides, if my mom was here she’d probably tell me love was supposed to hurt or some other terrible advice.

I never wanted to feel like this ever again.

I was still wearing Jacob’s varsity jacket. It smelled like him. Like grass and sunshine. And I had the eerie feeling that I’d never be able to smile again without smelling this. My tears started falling again.

I knew I’d lied.

I knew I wasn’t the most confident person in the world.

But...Jacob and I fit. Hadn’t we? I felt like he was my person. Why didn’t he feel it back? What was really so wrong with me?

I’d been in love twice. Axel clearly thought we were better as friends. And now Jacob thought the same.

I didn’t want to be in love ever again. It hurt too much.

“It’s going to be okay, pumpkin.” My dad kissed the side of my forehead. “I know it hurts right now, but I promise you’re going to be fine. I’ll make sure of it.”

It didn’t feel like everything was going to be fine. And I wasn’t sure what he meant by that last part. It sounded like a threat. But my heart hurt too much for me to worry about it.

“Dad?”

“Yes, pumpkin?”

“Thank you. For running after me to check on me. And for skipping school.”

“That’s what dads are for.” He squeezed me a little tighter.

My chest ached. And my throat felt dry. And my head hurt from thinking about everything I’d done wrong. But I forced myself to smile through my tears. Because at least my dad still loved me. Even if he had heard Jacob break up with me, I didn’t think my dad would really think I was a loser. And he probably would have stood up for me better than I’d stood up for myself.

I thought Jacob had helped me find my confidence again. I guess I was wrong. And whatever confidence I had gained had just been stomped on in front of the entire school.

“Maybe you can try dating again when you’re 30,” my dad said and patted my arm.

I laughed. I was really glad my dad was a teacher at Empire High. Especially when we were playing hooky together.

Chapter 16 – Barren Wench

Friday

A few weeks ago, I’d been worried Jacob would break up with me. But he said he wouldn’t. Not in a million years. Those were his exact words.

I guess I’d aged a million years in three weeks. And I felt like I had. My dad let me stay home all week. But it was time to face reality again.

I walked into school wearing my normal fall jacket. I was carrying Jacob’s jacket and a few more of his things. He hadn’t texted me at all since we’d broken up. Which I guess made sense. It still stung for some reason though.

We’d always been friends. But we didn’t hang out all the time. Or text constantly. It would go back to that, I guess. Eventually. But it didn’t feel like Jacob was my friend right now. It felt like he was my ex.

I grabbed a few books from my locker.