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“Hey,” Sophie said. “You ready for this?”

She’d been over to my house to visit after school a few times. And she’d helped me get up the courage to do this.

“I’m ready.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

I shook my head. “It’s fine.” My voice sounded monotone and strange. I was having trouble sleeping. And eating. My mom swore I’d be myself again soon. But soon felt really far away right now.

The hardest thing was that I agreed with everything Jacob had said. I was an unconfident liar. I’d been a terrible girlfriend. I wished I could go back and not lie. Go back and do everything differently so that I’d still be wearing his jacket instead of holding it. But Jacob had made it pretty clear that he wasn’t interested in me anymore. He’d almost made it seem like he never really was. He’d probably just asked me out because I was an unconfident loser that he pitied. He hated me. And I still loved him.

“Stop it,” Sophie said like she could read my thoughts. “You’re doing that thing where you zone off and I know what you’re thinking about. Just...stop. You’re not in the wrong here, Jacob is. He never should have broken up with you in the middle of the school like that. He’s such an asshole.”

“It’s fine,” I said. My voice still sounded weird.

“It’s not fine. He’s at least supposed to be your friend.” She slammed her locker closed. “I can’t believe I was ever Team Jacob.”

She actually made me smile.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” she asked.

I shook my head. I didn’t want Jacob to think I wasn’t at least confident enough to do this myself. “No, I’ve got this. See you in class.” I held my books tight in one hand as I walked over to Jacob at his locker. Axel and him were laughing about something.

I wasn’t sure what could possibly be that funny. I was slowly dying and Jacob was acting like he didn’t have a care in the world.

My heart was pounding in my ribcage as I stopped right in front of him. Well, behind him. His back was turned to me while he was talking to Axel.

I cleared my throat.

Jacob closed his locker and turned around to look down at me. “Hey, what’s up?”

What’s up? Really? That’s all he had to say to me? I could feel Axel just staring at us, and I didn’t care if he watched this. I just wanted it over with. “Here.” I handed Jacob the t-shirt I’d borrowed from him after one of the times we’d practiced third. It was easy to realize why he’d broken up with me the more I thought about it. I was a walking disaster. And he was...Jacob.

I lifted up his varsity jacket. “And you’re going to need to this back.” For whoever he dated next. Someone confident. Someone not like me. I handed it to him. “I’m sorry that I was a bad girlfriend.”

Jacob shook his head. “You weren’t a bad girlfriend, Scarlett.”

We both knew that was a lie. If I was a good girlfriend, we’d still be dating. “I was. And I am sorry. About all of it. I’m really, really sorry, Jacob.” I felt my bottom lip start to tremble. I bit the inside of my lip to make it stop.

Jacob nodded and looked down at his jacket, like he didn’t want it back.

I held my breath and wished that he’d change his mind. That’s what I really wanted. To still be his. Part of me just wanted to close the distance between us and hug him and beg him to forgive me. But Jacob wanted a confident girlfriend. And doing that kind of proved his point that I wasn’t that. Sophie already had to confiscate my phone a few times this week because I’d been tempted to send Jacob “forgive me” soup. Which Sophie said wasn’t a thing.

Jacob stared down at his jacket for a another second.

Please forgive me. Please. I love you.

But then he pulled his varsity jacket on, like he was eager to have it back after all. Maybe he was. I’d been holding on to it all week. But the thought of him giving it to someone new made me feel sick to my stomach.

“Your star is in the pocket,” I said. “And the bracelet Chloe made for me.” I couldn’t look at either without crying.

Jacob reached into his pocket and pulled the glow in the dark star out. “You can keep this, Scarlett. It was a gift.”

I felt tears welling in my eyes again. “I don’t want it.” It was a lie. I did want it. I liked looking at it. It made me feel not so alone. I’d been staring at it all week instead of sleeping. But if I cried any more, I was worried I’d drown in my tears.

“Really. I want you to have it.” He held it out for me. He looked so sincere about wanting me to take it back.

It was really tempting to take it. But it was important to him. And I wasn’t. So it didn’t make sense for me to keep it. I shook my head and I got a whiff of that freshly cut grass smell he always had. I took a step back. I didn’t want to smell him. I was worried it would make me cry. “Thanks, but that’s okay. See you in coding, I guess.”